Saturday, March 22, 2014

Update 3/22/14

Morning,

Well, its 5:35 on a Saturday Morning, im getting ready for work. I've already packed my lunch and breakfast. After work I plan on doing one of those double workouts. A cardio and strength training for about an hour.

Yesterday was a good day, I did go over on calories by 150 but im not going to stress about it. I was in a grumpy mood so it could have been a lot worse.

I plan on measuring again on the 26th. Really hoping to see some smaller #'s. At least some 1/4 inch losses. Im not sure when I will weigh again, the darn scale has been stalling lately so I put it up a few days ago. I may wait and weigh around the middle of April. 

Sorry for the last dreadful post on here but this blog is about my weight loss journey, and that includes everything I go through during it. I don't eat my feelings anymore so I have to deal with them instead. I'm getting better at it, I recognized the negative thought  patterns and stopped them yesterday. I was basically beating myself up about everything that has went wrong in my life. And I have to let it go, just like my hubby said yesterday , everyone has something they regret. It's hard to swallow but I have to forget and move on. 

ok, enough jibber jabber...got to get ready. Have a great Saturday :)  

Friday, March 21, 2014

Reliving a Haunting Past

Morning,

Today I have to work 9:30 - 4. Im not in the mood to be around anybody so im sure I will be very quiet today. For some reason I woke up feeling sad? Just a sinking feeling inside. Kinda numb I guess.  Its the first time in over two months that I've felt like this.

The last few days I've been thinking about things from my past, I guess its getting to me. Mostly my career that started out promising and because I let a medical opportunity judge me I have stopped going for my goal.  Its hard to push regret out of our hearts.

I recently read a quote that made me feel a little better.

You don’t have to be defined by the things you once did or didn’t do. Don’t let yourself be controlled by regret. Maybe there’s something you could have done differently, or maybe not. Either way, it’s merely something that has already happened. Leave the unchangeable past behind you as you give yourself to the present moment. 

I have to let go, its the whole ' letting go part' that I have trouble with.

Well, besides work I plan on staying on track with my plan. I did great yesterday, I ate 1590 calories and burned over 860 calories total. I went on a long Hike then came home and did some upper body work on my total gym. It felt good to sweat it out. I just wish I could see faster results.

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Forgiveness

Morning, I woke up around 6 this morning to get the kids up and ready for school. Then I took my sleepy butt back to bed.

For the first time in 37 days I had an unplanned indulgence meal and I feel awful about it. Last night we had a little too much whiskey and ordered a pizza. I had two slices and two slices of cheese bread. It was good, but not worth the guilt that I feel right now. I know its not the end of the world and I will get back on plan today but man, its hard to just let it go and forgive myself.

A few years back I went and seen a therapist a few times. She was good, I was crying on the 2nd session. She said when you decide to go off your healthy eating plan - do it, but realize that you might not feel great about it afterwards. If your willing to accept that then by all means. But if there is a little voice inside you saying I really don't want to do this then walk away - find something else to do. Its just a craving and it will pass. You will find in time that those cravings will become less powerful and you will get stronger. And if you do decide to eat don't keep replaying it over and over in your mind, no beating yourself up. Your human and we all make mistakes, just make sure you learn from it. 

Anyways. I've already logged my food for the day. I will just forgot about yesterday and move on.

Thanks for reading, I just needed to vent. =)


Wednesday, March 19, 2014

Day #36 Breaking Free

Morning, 
 Yesterday my MFP status read " Feeling discouraged, need support". I got some great responses. I basically narrowed my lack of weight loss down to too much sodium in my diet. I thanked everyone who responded. 

So too much sodium means Im holding onto water, but in reality I have lost weight - its just the water weight that is showing on the scale. So why not eliminate the scale? The very thing that brings me down. Why not focus on my measurements? Measurements don't lie.    

And that my friends is exactly what im going to do. The scale is gone, tucked away for my one month weigh-ins. I measure again at the end of the month. I'm looking forward to it too =]

I feel almost relieved right now. Sure, its a great feeling to step on the scale and see it down. And I'm sure it will be when I weigh in at the end of every month. But to see smaller measurements...now that is my true goal.  

Workouts and Life

So far this week I have did one day of cardio and one day of strength training. Today I will have to do both since im off work. I feel like doing both, I slept really good last night.

We grabbed a few items at the grocery store yesterday and I had a craving for German bologna. I know, totally not good for you but a portion of it will satisfied my craving and I can move on.  I can't wait to eat my sandwich for lunch. LOL  its the little things in life that are truly satisfying 


Monday, March 17, 2014

First Non Scale Victory!

I weighed this morning and blah. I'm up half a pound. Why do I put myself through this torture of weighing everyday? There are two more days until my official weigh-in this week then im putting this damn scale up for a week. No peeking at all - I'm sick of the fluctuations. I think it will help my mental status quite a bit LOL

I told myself when I started logging my food 34 days ago that I wasn't going to do strength training because of its interference with the scale. But two weeks in I got the Total Gym and can't help myself, I love this machine!
Yesterday I pulled on a pair of some windbreaker workout pants that used to be tight in the rear and thigh area but guess what? Not anymore...yeahya! My first NSV!! 

Today is a total body gym workout and laundry, im off work so it will be nice and quiet around here with the kids gone and my hubby working.

Sunday, March 16, 2014

Feeling Anxious

I hate when I feel like this. I want to eat - blah!! Instead im doing anything I can to distract my feelings, including blogging to you fine folks.

Im still on plan for the day, well - im over like 45 calories, but im drinking some 1/2 cafe coffee and gearing up for a power walk with Leslie. Then I will take a bath after that...hoping it will calm me down a bit.

I took the kids up to the grocery store where I work for a few things for supper when all of a sudden the Assistant bakery manager comes running up with something to tell me. She's excited and looks like she's about to bust. I could NOT believe her news! The store Manager has asked the little bitchy donut maker to be the Bakery Manager. Im in SHOCK - well kinda, part of me doesn't want to care but part of me does. I mean I worked in that bakery for over 2 years before storming out with frustration. But wow, It never occurred to me that he would ask the her to fill the position - a women who doesn't speak very good English (hispanic) and can't read English very well - I wonder how she's going to place orders? And she can't decorate. All she has done in the bakery since she's got hired is donuts. And not to mention she has a horrible, almost snobby attitude. Even the store manager has said this about her attitude, he's made comments about it to me.
 Im in total shock!  He must be desperate....

Well, now that i've blogged about it and gotten it out of my system perhaps I can calm down a bit.

Now for that walk....

Im BACK..the walk helped so much. Im feeling calmer now and thought things through. Here's what I came up with. 

I guess im a little disappointed. I wanted to at least be considered to go back over there. Maybe I'm a little hurt? IDK - I would have stayed in the Deli anyway because im happy with my hours there and there isn't hardly any stress. I just would have liked to be asked I guess... Who knows. Maybe he ( store manager) did ask my Deli manager if she could spare me and she said no. 

Why do I care so much? - blah. Im going to drink my green tea and get over myself. LMAO! 


August check-in

Morning, Are you having a good day? I hope you can say 'yes I am' cause I'm always having a good day when I'm not at work....