Thursday, December 18, 2014

I Need to Vent.

Morning,

Ugh, I'm so frustrated right now. I had every intention on going to the gym yesterday but didn't get a chance too. They said I could go in for a free workout and tour and it would take about 45 minutes for the tour. I even had a time set to go in... but of course something happened and I couldn't go. Now I have to work today, later my daughter has a band concert so today is out. Maybe I can go Friday after work? Well there is no "maybe" about it, I will go friday after work.

Im just so fed up with this angry feeling. I'm so frustrated with my weight, frustrated with myself for getting this big again, frustrated because It could have easily been stopped 3 yrs ago if I would have just kept working out.

I know I shouldn't beat myself up. But I am today. I wish I could go back and shake some sense in that girl that threw up her hands and said "F*ck It" 3 yrs ago. It took me every bit of 5 years to get to the size I was (8/10). Why did I just give up? Why did I quit fighting... I've never been a quitter, but I did that day ( I can vaguely remember)

Yesterday It was a horrible eating day, I binged from lunch time on until right before going to bed. This is the behavior I have to stop. And it all starts with me going back in the past and feeling guilty. Then I figure, well I'm already fat...might as well eat what I want and start over tomorrow.

sigh.. I know when people read this they might not understand where I'm coming from. But I have to vent about it or I will explode at this point.

ok, time to go to work. Today I'm in the Bakery because one of there decorators is out for a while so I'm filling in.

sorry again, but this is how I feel right now and I need to get it out.

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