Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Early Morning Venting


I'm off work today, I'm up early to get the kids on the bus so my hubby can sleep in. Since I work 5 days a week and he only works 3 ( weekends) , he is the one getting the kids up and going.

I don't really understand my sadness right now? Its not a hopelessness sadness, like depression. I mean, I plan on working out today and cleaning out the refrigerator and I feel up too it. When I was depressed before I didn't want to get out of bed. This isn't depression.

The sadness is about my weight. About how uncomfortable I feel in my own skin.  Its about seeing cute clothes and knowing I can't wear them. I miss my old self - and right now, in this moment...I feel as if I will never see that girl again. And it makes me sad.

Yesterday wasn't a great day, I started off good with a banana and yogurt...but ended horrible.

Today will be a fresh new start, but again...I feel like I'm in the roller coaster and can't get off. I feel so frustrated with myself.

My mind keeps going back to those diet pills. If I can just deal with the mood swings for a few months, I could get down and perhaps change my way of thinking about food. Because what I'm doing now isn't working.

I also keep thinking about going to therapy, but the closest one is 80$ a session...and thats something I just can't afford right now. I'd rather do that then the diet pills....

sigh, just venting. Thank you for listening.

1 comment:

  1. some people can't feel their feelings because the are so numbed with food. we don't like these feelings so we mask them.. You are having those feelings so I would say while they suck, that's a good thing. take it a minute at a time..just breathe through the anxiety and desire to rush to this or that . Just make good choices, the best you can make. See what you can do that isn't so extreme from one end to another....there, that's the gist of most of my therapy sessions......See if your employer has an EAP (check with HR) which could provide free or reduced counseling, good luck


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