Sunday, July 20, 2014

Middle of July 14' Check In

Morning,

The weather is cloudy and muggy here in Ga. I may get out and work in the yards later...we got some mulch to put out. I bought some really pretty rudbeckia flowers, but we call them black-eyed Susan's here in the south. I love them!!

This past week has been emotionally hard. I was told that my youngest brother has mouth cancer. He went to get some teeth pulled and the oral surgeon noticed a knot in his cheek, they went ahead and did a biopsy on it and it came back cancerous. He had some scans and x-rays done Thursday and now we're waiting to hear the results of those. I just pray its no where else in his body. My brother has already been through enough, he suffers from schizophrenia and will never have a 'normal' life.
I don't understand life and how things work sometimes? It doesn't seem fair?

In Other News
I went against my word that I would never count calories again after stepping on the scale last week. Im up 5lbs! So I started back to MFP (sigh) again Friday. Friday was great, yesterday not so much. I deliberately sabotaged myself when I bought a container of nutella and graham crackers, I sat and ate almost half of the container while watching Greys' Anatomy =(  This was the reason I quit counting calories in the first place. I'm so rebellious.

Will this behavior ever end? Will I always battle with myself like this about my weight? Im tired of it. I feel so out of control. I don't want to throw in the towel, nor will I ever. I just gotta find what will work.

I only got in two 3 mile walks this week which isn't good. All this week I would come home and get my PJ's on then park my butt in front of the television. This isn't healthy behavior, I know I've got to stop this. My husband told me to join a gym, not the one I joined last year but a bigger one thats about 10 minutes away. They offer classes and have great reviews..I may just do that. Im tired of being tired. Perhaps it will give me that healthy boost I need? I will let you know if I do...

Work is good. I'm really liking my new schedule now. I know I go in at 6:30 everyday then get off at 3. Its nice to have a 'sorta' set schedule. I just wish I didn't have to work around all that food. Some days I could care less but this whole past week I have been nibbling.  This behavior has to stop too.






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