Good Morning fellow bloggers!
Hope everyone has a safe and Happy Thanksgiving...i know its not until tomorrow but I'm 99% sure I won't be on the computer much tomorrow.
So, The reason for my post today is to remind myself of how far I've come in this journey. Lately I've been moping around thinking "poor me" and im not a moper. I'm a 'get-up-and-go-getter'.
In 2005 I made a decision. It was a decision that I new I had to stick to and be consistent in-in order for me to be successful. I told myself that no matter what obstacles come into play - I would continue on with this decision. I not only wanted to lose weight but I wanted to be healthy and fit. I wanted to be able to climb stairs and run a lap and NOT be out of breath. I wanted to glow from the inside again. To feel alive again.
So a year and half later I lost a total of 112lbs, I was able to do 20 push-ups on my toes at once and run a complete 5K. During a camping trip I ran up and down steps in order to get in a workout that day. I was doing 50-60lb barbell squats and eating like an athlete.
I was determined. My mind was set and I was successful!
Fast forward to now:
when I look back over the past 2 years and try to figure out what went wrong, I feel guilty for what I've done to myself. I ask, what did I do to start this self destructive spiral? I have completely forgotten about my healthy eating habits and pushed off workouts to the point of them being none existent. I have gained 35+lbs and lost that glow inside me, that little light that i miss so much now.
In the end I have decided that I have done nothing wrong! I am going through mourning and my mind went back to what always comforted me before, food. I have lost two grandmothers with in a 3-month period( one brutally murdered and I'm still trying to wrap my mind around that), I lost my Mother-n-law earlier this year and dream about her a lot. The list could go on If I kept thinking about things. But my point is - I am a strong women, but even strong women can fall down.
I can't blame the zoloft - in fact the zoloft helped me get through all this without losing my mind. I know it works for me...but my time with zoloft is over. I will be completely be off this medication before New Years and then I can continue on with my journey.
I will post again soon. :)