Tuesday, April 10, 2012

Figuring things out

I noticed something this morning, and yeah...this is something that has come up in my therapy sessions. And yep, I have spoke about this before (im sure several times) But there is something different about me today. Im having a moment ( not a blonde/brunette moment either its more like a "ohhhhh ok" moment)

I noticed my inner dialogue is slowly changing from what use to be "I can't" to " I can".

What started all of this was pictures on facebook of myself from Easter Sunday. The 17lb weight gain is noticeable.  I mean, im not completely disgusted in the way I look but I asked myself this morning (as I was reaching for some left over Easter candy) "Why keep gaining?" I actually told myself to breath and figure out whats really wrong? And what I came up with was I was tired and grumpy. My period is almost done and it was a crazy week (crazier than usual) at work. I wanted that instant happiness that comes from eating junk. But not the feeling that comes after it. So I threw the candy away and went straight to MFP to log my food for the day.  Below is some pics of me ( dark blue jeans and frilly looking shirt that I loved )

playing in the water with my sis and aunt

talking to my nieces and sis to the left of me

after viewing these pics I told myself I don't want to gain anymore weight!  I don't want another day to go by that I will most likely regret in the future!  I don't want to buy bigger jeans or feel uncomfortable in my OWN SKIN. All of this I have to keep tucked away in my head and pull it out every time something is bothering me and I want to eat.  Instead, like this morning, I will back away from the situation and THINK about WHAT is bothering me and deal with it in a positive way. Eating in the way that I do is negative....no more negativity. No more self loathing or pity thoughts.

Now, with that said. I'm human and I work in a bakery. Im going to count calories ( the only way I know for sure that works) and I'm going to go easy on myself if I happen to fold. Im going to count (insert yummy bakery goods here) calories as best I can and go on with my day. I'm sure I would be setting myself up for a binge if I said I can't ever have ____ again.

Its time to start practicing self-love.

1 comment:

  1. I have no wisdom today but to say hang in there. it looks like yall had a good Easter. If you have not read Spunkysuzi's blog you should..and / or email her.. she manages a bakery. I personally could not do it. Just looking at that stuff sets me off.


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