Thursday, March 01, 2012

Don't Mind Me....

Today was a bad day. I woke up just in a very bithcy mood for some reason. Then I went to walmart and intentionally bought cheezits and pinwheels, things I KNOW i don't allow in the house. Ive been eating all day and im sure im pass the 3500 calories mark. :(  . Oh and did I mention that im up 15lbs? Yeah...my ass is getting bigger as I type this.....

And get this. I even went through the burger king window to order a cheeseburger and they weren't serving lunch yet. I looked at my watch and it was 10am? What in the hell was I doing ordering a cheeseburger at 10 O'clock in the morning?

sigh

When I feel like this I think im the only person in the world who has this problem and I know its not true. If you're reading this...pls leave me a message and let me know im not alone and there is no way im going any where near that scale for the next few days.

I know what started these bad behaviors too. I didn't feel like working out today and because I felt guilty I took it upon myself to binge. I gave myself an excuse to eat. Doesn't that sound crazy? I GAVE MYSELF AN EXCUSE TO EAT.

This madness has to stop. Its driving me up the wall. I've been to therapy, im taking medication for anxiety but still I'm doing the same things over an over again. The same questions keep running through my mind. "What am I doing wrong?" "Why do I deliberately hurt/punish myself over and over again?" " Do I deserve to lose weight?" " Am I a good person?" "what is stopping me from my goal?"

sigh, don't mind me. Just having a little episode right now.

6 comments:

  1. Of course you're not the only one girl...you know that. :) We all stumble, we all have binged, we've all sabotaged ourselves. The answer to your questions are that you ARE worth it. Don't look behind you...you're not going that way. Look ahead. And keep the focus to one day at a time. I mean it. Just one day. Start with a good, healthy breakfast. One healthy choice tends to lead to another. I'm rooting for you. It's a good idea to stay off the scale for at least a week. Just concentrate on one day at a time, and don't stress about it. Take it nice and easy. I know you can do this...look at how far you've come. You've already proven you've got what it takes. I believe in you. :)

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  2. I'm going through the same thing, Amy. I ate almost a whole cherry pie the other day. I will have a good day and then several horrible days where I just can't stop eating. I've been self medicating with food. Guilt, anxiety, depression, all make me feel like binging. I'm hoping I got a good start on it today and will be as able to control myself tomorrow too. Hang in there. You aren't alone.

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  3. Thanks Tammy and Karen. I appreciate the comments and the support.

    @Tammy. I will take it one meal at a time today. I threw out the pinwheels and the cheezits. There GONE!! :) ((hugs))

    @ Karen, here's to a good day today. ((hugs))

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  4. Amy,

    You are not alone!

    We all struggle with emotions. Food will be always the best way to comfort us.

    Please don't feel sad and remember: YOU ARE NOT ALONE

    Best regards,
    Monika

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  5. Girl, you are so far from alone. I am sitting here on what is supposed to be a week 3 of my serious 'lose this baby weight' diet, and since my husband isn't home tonight, I'm thinking about what food I can shove in my face. Sigh. I only have 30lbs to lose..which, compared to your journey, looks trivial. But the feelings are the same. I just found your blog, and I relate SO much to your posts. I wish I could make myself get up at 5 am to work out! How do you do that????!! Anyway..you're not alone.

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  6. Hello Julie,

    How do I get myself up at 5am in the morning to workout? Sigh...I don't think about it, I just do it. And most of the time while I'm working out ( at 5am in the morning) im thinking im a crazy nut job. LOL. But I do what I have to do. Have a great day and welcome to my blog :)

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Thanks for reading!!

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