I've been in a funk. Its been a very long funk! About a 6month funk. And I'm getting tired of this funky feeling!!!!!!!!
My medium size work shirts aren't comfortable anymore. My pants are getting snug. I've been wearing my loose fitting pants to work BECAUSE my size 10's aren't comfortable anymore.I've been eating at work and eating out almost everyday. Chinese food, dominos, wendy's, and sick of it!
So what do I do? How can I change this feeling?
First off, im going to stop feeling sorry for myself. I'm going to stop making excuses. I'm going to STOP the little critical negative voice in my head that says "you don't deserve this" because I do. I deserve so much more than what I give myself.
I want to feel good about myself again. I want to look in the mirror and see positive changes in my body because for the last 6months I have been doing nothing but waiting to gain weight.
WAITING TO GAIN WEIGHT!!!!!
I talked to my husband yesterday for a minute. I told him that I'm tired of obsessing about food, about my body, about my appearance. I actually said " would it be so bad if I did gain a little weight?". My husband, who was taking a shower at the time, said..." I don't care if you gain weight as long as you don't regret it! As long as you don't and go back to the way you use to be before losing the weight" He said I was miserable, unhappy...very moody and just a totally different person than I am now.
WHAT AN EYE OPENER! That woke me up! NO I don't want to gain weight and for me to even consider gaining weight tells me that I almost gave up. For the first time in 7yrs I almost gave up on the battle of the bulge and let the fat win. IM NOT GOING TO DO THAT! This is MY LIFE and I control it. Not some damn piece of pizza or chocolate cake. I control ME!
So...since I don't have those weight loss hypnosis cds in my hands yet, I just listened to those motivational cd's by Chalean Extreme. I will listen to them every day until I get those other cd's because I need that motivation right now. I need her positive message to remind me why Im on this journey. And since im kinda sick of doing Cathe workouts (shhhh, don't tell her that, teehee) I will go back to doing Chalean for a while. Starting today. I will read over the program and make myself a little print out of the workouts again. They work if you go by the heavy weight lifting theory. And their short workouts but very tough. Very effective.
* cheers* and no, its not whiskey and diet coke. Its water =P