These past few days have been particularly hard. My cars ignition locked up on me last week -long story short- I can't take the key out of the ignition and I have to be fully conscious of NOT locking the keys in the car whenever I park. sigh, suppose to get a new ignition put in next week.
Saturday, after a kick ass workout that was soley driven by my binges I decided to take a hot shower, but ended up taking a very cold shower because our hot water heater decided to throw a fit. My handy husband fixed it yesterday after a brief (6 hour) elimination process.
Last night I broke down and confided in my husband about my feelings. Lately I feel like a big FAT failure. My eating is slowly spiraling out of control. I feel sad when this happens which of course only steers me toward more food. I have been binge eating and trying to diet and its driving me insane!!! I know I have to deal with this now before i start gaining serious weight. Right now the scale is up about 5-7lbs which isn't too bad but its enough to make my pants a tiny bit snug. In the past, this amount of weight gain was enough to snap me back into reality, but I don't feel that way anymore. For some insane reason, I just don't care? Its almost like if I feel my pants getting snug then im feeling something? I don't know whats wrong with me lately?
My doc. suggested on my last appointment that I see a therapist that specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy. I have been pushing this off in my mind for a while telling myself that I can do it alone. But I know now that I need help and I guess its time to ask for it.
The last therapist that I saw just wasn't right for me. Maybe this one will be. I just left a message with her requesting an appointment, hopefully I can get in this week sometime. I will keep you guys updated on that.
Meanwhile I'm going to focus on one meal at a time. Its hard with where I work at ( bakery) but I know that my life is in the hands of a higher power and I can't question him. I have to trust that he knows whats best. There is a reason im doing so well at this job, and I've said this before, I like it...and im good at it. And it just feels right!
So with that said...I will keep in touch. Have a great day :)
Update: Just made an appointment with the new therapist for Friday. Im pretty excited too. Oh and I just finished doing some cardio and about 15mins of yoga :)
...One day at a time.