Saturday, July 30, 2011

Peaceful Easy Feeling

Wow, i was dragging butt yesterday. Just no motivation to do anything. I was exhausted. I almost bought one of those Rock Star energy drinks but decided not to. I got a zero calorie Sobe vitamin water instead and it was yummy.
I did attempt a CLX - PC2 workout yesterday but the workout was mostly shoulders and my left shoulder is still tender. I did half of it then called it a day...

Today I'm thinking about doing 4ds Legs by Cathe, if the coffee kicks in because right now -sitting on my ass feels GGGGGGGGGreat!

My monthly visitor started this morning so that would explain the exhaustion I've been feeling lately. And all the fried food/sweet & salty cravings. Yesterday i ate three mini cookies and a large cookie + icing off a small piece of square cake. Today I will try my best to stay out of the goodie carts at work.

Tomorrow is my day off....yay! Can't wait to spend the day with my family...its a rare thing these days :)

Notice my Weigh Inn's on the more 170's :D -PROGRESS-

 Edit to add: 4 day split Legs premix done. Felt great to get that off to work. Have a great weekend :)

Friday, July 29, 2011

TGIF 7/29

Crap! I've done something to my left shoulder. It's all tender when I try bent-over lat raises :( , guess I will just have to take it easy with the upper body a few more days. blah.. I think tomorrow I will do 4ds legs.

I can't wait until Sunday, we're taking the kids to see The Smurfs, one of my favorite cartoons growing up. Im off that day and so is my hubby :) Its so nice when we get a whole day together.

We have to start buying  school clothes  for the kids pretty soon , they start back on Aug. 10th and they can't really wear anything from last year...ugh, kids are so expensive and exhausting...LOL, but there my little world. They make me smile and laugh all the time with there cooky ways - i feel blessed everyday that I get to spend with them.

The scale is staying right at 166...i eat when im hungry and try to avoid emotional eating. Yesterday I did a mental check on my calories and they were around 1700, and thats with a workout. I avoided eating at work wouldn't believe the BUGGIES full of food we threw away. All kinds of bread, cakes, donuts, cookies, pies, cheesecake's...I like to call these buggies snack carts because sometimes I will taste things here and there.
so anyways..doing good. Kinda tired today but hanging in there :)

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Broke Down

I decided to get on the treadmill yesterday around 5:30, right before supper. Did a run interval and for some reason a sad song came on (stop and start by one republic) and I kinda broke down and started crying. I don't want to be bipolar II. I had a moment of mixed emotions, mad for having the disorder then I felt sorry for myself which alerted the inner soldier to start kicking my butt. I ran hard and fast.

I've been thinking alot lately about the past, just trying to remember any particular moments when I may have been in a mania state. The depression has always been lingering slightly but the mania isn't something I remember until it dawned on me. Oh yeah, I remember that day...i was so hyper and happy - in a state of euphoria.

I think the most important thing for me is to realize is that the disorder doesn't describe me. Its not going to be who I am, I may have to take medication for it but then thats it. Im not going to obsess about how I feel everyday.
Im Amy, a 33 year old mother of two wonder kids and a wife to an amazing husband. I like spending my time with my family. I have over come many challenges in my life and  this disorder is just that - another challenge:)

ok, time to get ready for work. I'm working the morning shift today so I will have the evening with my babies.

edit to add: Lowmax by Cathe done. I did a premix : intervals 4-7 and boy did it burn my legs :D . Fun workout and a great sweat!

Wednesday, July 27, 2011

Where Did Summer Go?

Im off work today. YAY! The past two weeks have been so overwhelming at work and at home that its surprising  I haven't jumped out the nearest window :D
Stress doesn't even begin to  describe how its been.  Now my MIL is back over two days a week and wants to come more. My DH finally posted something on facebook about some help with her...and nobody responded. I have to really bite my tongue on that post...what a bunch of selfish people. And there suppose to be her kids/family. WTF?

Anyways....enough of that

I made an appointment to see that behavioral psychologist August 18th. It will be interesting to see what he says. Im not 100% convinced that I have a mood disorder...another opinion will be nice. Of course I could just be in denial too...LOL. I looked up some of the medication that is prescribed for Bipolar type 2 disorder and the most common is mood stabilizers. The side effects on these seem to be worse then what im taking them for :/ 

oh well, im not going to worry about it today. Its going to be a great day with my babies. I've missed them so much the past few weeks so I plan on spending the day with them in the pool then taking them out for supper somewhere....then to a park. School starts back in two weeks -where did Summer go?

Yesterday I did one of my favorite step workouts by Cathe-STEP BLAST! What a great workout... Today im debating on taking a rest day or doing CLX PC2 but with lighter weights since my shoulders seem to be tender right now. Guess I lifted too heavy the other day with them...

Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Being Labeled

My first therapy session was yesterday and it was very healing. I didn't cry, or 'breakdown' about anything. I just answered a series of questions about why I was there. She listened and we laughed at times. After it was over she slapped a label on my condition : Bipolar Disorder type 2.  When i left i wondered how she came to that conclusion so quickly? Is it that obvious? I mean, I wasn't surprised to hear that, it wasn't a slap in the face or anything. But honestly, i always thought the lows I was experiencing were hormonal, and the high's were due to a workout (you know the afterburn you get when you do a kick ass workout, you feel amazing) So she basically told me a had a mini version of the disorder and its treatable with medication.

Its too bad she can't prescribe medication, she referred me to behavioral psychologist so I can get started on it. TBH, Im not sure how to feel about this. The bottom line is I don't like taken medication...what if I feel loopy all day? What if it changes my personality? ......dunno....

Anyways. I never got a chance to workout yesterday :(
I'm hoping to get one in today:)

Thanks Christina and Karen on your last comments:) I will keep everyone updated on how it goes. I have to make an appointment with that psychologist and start my medication...then will see. Wish me luck:)

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Its Not That Bad

I have this issue with negative inner dialogue. Its starts with a negative thought, then I get a swarm of negative  thoughts that seem to take over like killer bee's. It can ruin my day, i become sensitive or just plain angry - if I let it.  But then this voice from with in says Its not that bad Amy, forget about it. Its hard sometimes to not obsess about these thoughts.

Anybody else experience this?

I'm sure everyone's inner dialogue is different, lately I"ve been experiencing more negative and I'm sure its due to stress or being overwhelmed at work/home.

Im going to my first therapy session tomorrow. This session has been post-pone twice already due to schedule conflicts. Tomorrow's session is scheduled as planned. I'm excited and nervous. I've spoken to the psychologists several times on the phone and really like her already. Will see...i will keep you guys updated.

I started ChaLean's Lean For Life rotation yesterday. I figure I would do this until Cathe's new workouts come out sometime in August/September.  I did Burn Circuit 1 and I gotta say, it kicked my butt. I was shaking by the end and felt really challenged. I used pretty heavy weights too. It was nice to lift heavy again :)

I'm leaving you with a pic of my new workout clothes that I got Friday :) DH took this picture while I was cleaning up the kitchen.

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