Saturday, June 04, 2011

Its Alll Good

So, instead of waking up with this 'hate the world' feeling because I went over my calories last night I woke up with a 'I don't give a crap' feeling and its water under the bridge. I held back A LOT last night so I consider that a VICTORY!  I think i went over like 325 or something. I just updated my diary if you want to check it out.

so i have to go to work today and of course my DH is off work tonight which totally SUCKS. Our schedule is so crazy...but I can't complain too much since we both have jobs.

Im starting to have mixed emotions about my MIL coming over. She listens to everything i say to the kids, my husband (her son) and she watches everything I do, I feel like im being watched :( . I shouldn't have to feel like this in my own home. But I can't complain about it because she doesn't have anywhere else to turn too. And maybe its all in my mind?
  Im sure she feels awkward being here all the time so im trying to be a good sport about it. Its hard though. My MIL and me don't exactly have the best relationship, in the past she used to live next door to me and it was very hard and challenging to get along with her. But thats the past...she's different now, I think anyway......i really don't care anymore. She needs us right now and Im sure my DH would do the same if the shoe was on the other foot.

Yesterday was Cathe's Lowmax, about 45mins of it. Today will be CLX lean circuit, im so close to finishing the CLX series...its all so exciting.

Have a great weekend :)

Friday, June 03, 2011

Feeling Frustrated today :(

I woke up with that sad feeling again. I had 470 calories over my limit last night but I told myself its NOT the end of the world....i just figured I had it all out of my system, binging that is. 

Just got back from the grocery store and my eye's widen when I saw the total. Its so hard when the kids are home from school, i spent 170$ on grocery's that probably won't last no longer than Wednesday.  And for some reason my attention kept going to this lady checking out beside me, she had three kids and almost two buggy's full of grocery's. I thought 'wow, her grocery bill will be twice as much as mine'. (and yes, i was being extremely nosy,lol). Well she paid with a EBT card and, again, i got frustrated because she was dressed better than me, her kids were wearing brand name clothes and she's using food stamps? WTH? Did I miss something here?
Anyways...thats a whole other can of worms that I don't care to open ;-)

So..after grocery's i figured I would make a carrot cupcake recipe I found online last night. The cupcakes are 100 calories a piece. So i mixed, grated and sifted everything together. Then my eyebrow raised when I noticed the oven temp in the recipe, 180? So I went ahead and cooked them anyway and sure enough...they didn't turn out too good :( . Next time I will cook them at 350. They tasted good though and the pics on the blog are amazing. Very good recipe...check it out :)

Anyways. My MIL is here today so Im debating on working out in front of her or waiting until later...not sure yet. I've got Cathe's Lowmax on tabs. Suppose to do CLX burn intervals but im sick of it LOL

Thursday, June 02, 2011

Survived a Week On Plan-Its Time to Start Another :)

So its about 7:30 on a beautiful Thursday morning, I've logged my breakfast, lunch & afternoon snack for the day and I still have over 700 calories left.  I had a great free day yesterday, its was so nice to not have to count calories.  I'm ready to start my day today...back on track :)

I had some time at work yesterday to think while on my lunch break. I was reflecting the week, smiling like a goofball, lol.  And something dawned on me. I mentioned before that i turn to food when  Im frustrated or sad. But  I've noticed several days this week when i would be doing some random thing like lets say,  folding laundry, and then a thought comes up from my past. Just something that had  apparently bothered me and I never delt with it then all of sudden I find myself in the kitchen?  Its just crazy?  Its like I'm too scared to feel anything anymore. I have to give myself permission to feel.  So anyways, from now on when I start thinking of the past Im going to remind myself of how far I've come! Then I will pat myself on the back and forget about it. Positive thoughts...positivity works! 

At work last night i sampled some things that have always caught my eye. I had to make peanut butter fudge, and had maybe a piece the size of a tbs of that, of course it was delicious. LOL. Fudge is always good. Then later i  ate about a 1/4 of an onion hamburger roll. They were alright, too salty for my taste though. I also pinched off a piece of some whole wheat oatmeal bread and it didn't taste too bad, but very pricey. At the end of the night I had to make cookie sandwiches for the show case, so of course i made me one - peanut butter with chocolate in the middle (not butter cream chocolate, its a chocolate that they put on donuts) anyways, i ate half of that because it was soooooooooo sweet. I mean the chocolate part tasted like sugar not chocolate at all? Guess im use to dark chocolate now. So all in all, the day yesterday went very well, no 'urges' came over me to eat just because i was on a free day. I kept myself in that 'food will always be there' mindset.

I'm not sure if im going to weigh every 7 days or not...i mean, the scale isn't exactly my friend lately. Its up and down and my moods are right along with it. Weighing once a month makes more since to me. Im going to put it up for the whole month of June and weigh in around the first of July. After all, if I do lose weight it won't be a lot, it will be a lb or two and I'd rather see a few lbs gone at one time.

Yesterday i got in an awesome workout with Cathe's 4DS/HIS, Man my face looked like a tomato when I was done. I was really gasping for air too...i think maybe my body was tired because i don't usually breath that hard with step?  Today I plan on doing CLX lean circuit one (didn't get it in yesterday, i had too many people here and like I said, my body was d*o*n*e after that step workout) and i need to get in some abb work.

My Manager gave me a nice compliment yesterday, she asked if I had lost weight, said she could tell im getting smaller. I told her I think its the heavy lifting and I'm losing body fat. She gave me two thumbs up.

............Later in the day

Its now after lunch and I've completed my workout, CLX is some tough stuff but for some reason these workouts have a HUGE dread factor for me. I guess Im just partial to Cathe Friedrich. It was a good workout though.didn't do the abb workout of course, LOL. I need to start doing those first ;-) to lay in the sun with my little froggies, they are so cute out there. Still on plan and feeling fantastic about it...gonna keep this awesome vibe going guys :)

Wednesday, June 01, 2011

Day #7 My Day Off

Drumroll pls........I lost 1.8lbs this week :D 

So happy this morning. Yay!!! And you know what? It really wasn't that hard. It just took me forever to get started. Its the mindset of saying  no to myself thats hard...I did have some challenging moments through these past 6 days...but i managed and im so happy I did :)

So I told myself when i got back on plan that I would allow a 'free day' or a day that I don't count calories. I have to work tonight so im going to allow myself to eat something there. There are no rules on free day for me...except one. Don't eat just to because I'm hungry. I have to remind myself that this food will ALWAYS be there and there is no need to stuff my face today just because im not counting calories.

Oh and I missed the OA meeting last night because to be honest, I didn't have the gas to get there :/ . The money-sucking-piece-of-shit car in the driveway took all our extra money and guess what? It still isn't working. My husband did pull out the Haynes Manuel for P.T Crusiers last night then all of sudden he bolted out the door and came back in with a big grin on his face holding a blown fuse. So he's going to replace that and he also found some wires that were burned in half so we're hoping that those are the culprit. Stay tuned...

So next tuesday im off and there is no reason i shouldn't be able to go to OA. I think the meetings will give a little extra support and confidence in controlling myself around food when i get in those down/low moods.

Today will also be a good workout since I had a great nights sleep and the last two days i've been off.  I need to do CLX lean circuit 1. I also LOVE to get in a step aerobics by Cathe...will see. I may do the step first.

ok. thats all folks :)

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Day #6 And I Don't Care!

I don't believe the scale this morning...He's LYING!!! 170.2. WTH is up with THAT #?  I've been doing great the past 6 days on my diet, and i have been getting in all my workouts. Eating pretty clean and not to mention all the running around at work...its not going to discourage me.

I haven't weighed in weeks and its so nice to not let that heartless machine get to me anymore. I admit i was stunned to see that #, but then i looked up in the bathroom full length mirror and said "Where? Where is that 5lbs at? I don't see it? My jeans don't fit any different? I don't feel bloated?" so...I don't care.

On donut duty again this morning and I need to get off here so I can make me some breakfast. Have a wonderful day :)

Monday, May 30, 2011

Day #4 and Its too Damn Early!

Good Morning, its time to make the donuts! I would insert a picture of that dunkin donut guy but I can't find a decent one...
beside, I don't work for dunkin donuts....

I went to bed around 7:30....took two Melatonin about that time and STILL no sleep last night. I hate nights like that when I just lay there and try to go to sleep.....damn donuts.  I drank a bud light at 11:30 and that didn't help...just added to my calories.

The good news is I will be off at 11 am.

I'm guzzling coffee at the moment, trying to get geared up for the craziness that lays before me.

So, anyways....thats all thats happening today, besides sticking to my calories. This is the longest I have stuck to them in a very long time. I usually fold on the third day...

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Having Mixed Emotions....

.....And I need to vent

So, as you all know I work in a bakery. I haven't been there very long, maybe 3months and before getting the job i was desperately looking for somewhere to work for over a year. I do love my job, its maybe 3 miles down the road and its challenging...never boring. And for the most part, I like all the people I work with.

Here comes the venting
I HATE doing fucking donuts! The manger suggested that I learn how to do them for extra hours about 2wks after I started. I agreed...besides being new you don't want to disagree with anything your boss suggest right? Anyways...i have to do donuts tomorrow AND Tuesday. I get so frustrated because there are two other people that work there that haven't learned how to do them. And when I asked why haven't they learned i never really get an answer, all I get is "there next to learn". well that was 2 1/2 months ago.

Im just frustrated...those are really crappy hours. I have to FORCE myself to go to bed early and get up at 2:45 in the morning, guzzle coffee and be at work by 4am.

And now the whole way I've learned how to do donuts its different. A girl just left me a message explaining how everythings changed and it just pissed me off. The job is already its tougher...

But then I think- I have a job so stop complaining.

Oh and im craving fried foods today. Really sucks. Were cooking out turkey burgers on the grill, with the all the fixings that I can't have. Sigh - but they will be there when I get down to my goal weight.

So there you have it - im getting bitchy and can't eat ~ LOL :P

Day #3 & Staying Focused!

Woke up feeling good again. I'm starting to notice that I haven't had sugar in two days (massive amounts that is, no junk) and my carbs have all been complex. Once i get that crap out of my system i feel so much better. I plan on eating something with the family on Wednesday, but i don't want to go into a sugar/carb it will have to be planned to a T!

Remember me saying I may get more hours in the produce department? (work in a bakery at a grocery store if your new to my blog) Well I don't have to go anywhere anymore, the store's manager told me yesterday that someone in the bakery department is QUITTING!!! I should get more hours now. The person is full time too, so everyone will benefit. I actually hate to see this person go, I enjoy talking to them....but oh well.

I had to make chocolate creme cakes yesterday and YEAH they smelled good and YEAH I was drooling over the chocolate goo that goes on top but I never had any urge to slice me off a piece. The donut case smelt amazing when I opened it and nope...still no urge to 'sneak' a bite out of one because in my mind "they will always be there". And YEP, i was knocked out of reality by the breeze of sugar when I opened up the frosting buckets to make cupcakes...but didn't want any of that crap in my system....they will always be there too.

Yesterday was GREAT! Stayed focused and planned ahead...brought me some diet cocoa to work and it hit the spot after my lunch break :) 

Today's workout is ChaLean Burn Intervals...i have a love/hate relationship with this workout. Every single time I do it my ass is handed to me....but I feel so powerful after....

I did end up doing a little snacking last night, ate some turkey deli meat and two slices of cheese totaling about 160 more my total for yesterday was around 1680. But if you include my workout and the fact that i was 'speed walking' at my job to get everything done i probably was close to 1500 so Im going to let it go and not beat myself up about .  I mean seriously, its a HUGE accomplishment for me to be sticking to a diet plan at this point. Im doing GREAT! 

yogurt parfait
Above is a new snack (for me) that I fell in love with. Its around 200 calores. Vanilla yogurt, strawberries & apples topped with some walnuts. SO GOOD and filling.

August check-in

Morning, Are you having a good day? I hope you can say 'yes I am' cause I'm always having a good day when I'm not at work....