Saturday, May 28, 2011

Day #2 and Smiling :)

I haven't weighed in so long and you know what? It isn't bothering me. My clothes aren't fitting too tight so i know im about where I have been ( 167-171) is where I have been averaging.  Not sure when Im going to weigh again....

Yesterday I did AWESOME! Ended the day around 1500 calories. I felt so good this morning when I woke up...a small smile is great to wake up too. I DID IT! One day in the books :)

Today is CLX lean circuit 3 and then work later. The pool is up now and i wish i could lay lazily beside it all day, soaking up the sun...but business before pleasure eh? Tomorrow im off and I hope that sun makes an appearance....

OH, and I have a new MyFitnessPal account since the old one was deactivated. Long story short, i couldn't log in and the creator told me it had a virus or something. I was pissed but since its so easy to create another account I went ahead and did it. My diary is public so if you want to check it out click on this link :) 

Edit To Add:
Todays calories were at 1523, I felt great today, kinda tired but doing good. Got my workout in earlier and I just got home from work. :) I wish i felt this good everyday? I increased my dose of St. Johns Wart yesterday so maybe thats it?

Friday, May 27, 2011

Day #1 Everything Out

No more turning to food, im sick of it! From now on I will come on here, read a book or get my mind busy doing something else! Yesterday's food binge or compulsive eating was just that...yesterday's past. No more thinking about it. This issue that I have isn't stronger than me. I KNOW im a strong women! Its just going to take time..and a whole lot of effort on my part. I've got to stay committed to this if im EVER going to be COMPLETELY happy with myself. I love myself but im not comfortable at this weight. I deserve to be happy. Im the only one that can do this.  Today's post is entitled Day #1 and its all im focusing on right now...TODAY.

First Step
I called the OA adviser (or whatever his title is?) today to confirm the OA meeting tuesday. He was nice and told me where the meetings where and when. I also found out that there are 4people in the group. WOW..only 4 people? Thats a very small group? But I will go and see what happens..if I don't like-I don't have to go back right? So the first group meeting is this tuesday.

Frustration
I JUST told my kids that they could go swimming in the pool, i said OK and also said i was going to make my supper because i was starving. Then my Mother in law said "again?" I said "I didn't realize i was eating so much?" she didn't say anything after that. If she didn't mean it that way then she should have said exactly how she meant it? She knows I use to be very heavy and im sensitive about my weight. I've confided in her about the OA meetings (her showing very little interest BTW). I haven't ate bad at all today, my calories for the day are at 1500...WTF is her problem? I honestly don't care. We have never really been close and I've always thought she was a bitter person anyway. SO THERE!

My kids have drove me NUTS over that damn pool today. Every five minutes "mommy, can we go out and swim?" is all i heard. I told them to GO. NOW! The pool is 3ft deep so not over there heads but I still have to watch them...and its boring to sit by the pool and watch them...but thats my job.

anyways...today was a rest day. No workout. My body was tired anyway and i was struggling to keep the house clean with the kids home. MY GOSH I WISH THEY WERE IN SCHOOL and I don't care if that makes me a bad mother..its the way I feel. Its hard taking care of them all day with my husband asleep in the other room. He works night-shift, i love his job but i truly hate his hours.

Failed Again

Yesterday my eating was beautiful - measured everything, logged everything and was NEVER hungry. It was about 1 hour after supper and all these mixed emotions started hitting me. I was thinking about how tired I was from the days workouts, how i get frustrated because I feel sometimes I have to be super women to get everything done around here, how -all though i don't mind if my mother-n-law stays here during the day- it still strips me of my privacy (she's disabled and recently fell into our hands during the week from 6am to around 4:30pm). I just felt overwhelmed, sad, angry, anxious and that chocolate chip ice-cream in the freezer sounded awful good at the moment. So I ate what was left, about a cup + i ate what was left of the fudge, half a jar. I then went on my food log and discovered it was only 435 calories over my daily limit so i then allowed myself to EAT MORE. My favorite show was on so i indulged in bag of baked dorito's without measuring them :O , ate the rest of my dark chocolate bar, ate a bowl of cereal -then i felt sick.

This is how I handle my emotions :( i stuff food down my throat, food I didn't need or want to begin with.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Back to Reality

We went on a little get-a-way for a night down on Tybee Island Ga...it was so much fun. DH and I we're ready to come home the next day though, LOL. Here is a pic of us on the beach.
Tybee Island, Ga

I think the kids enjoyed the pool at the hotel more than they did the ocean. It is such a beautiful place, we kept repeating how we would love to live there one day. Maybe...

So, yesterday I got in a 30min run on the treadmill with a 5min warmup & 5min cool down totaling 40mins. Today was CLX lean circuit 2 (4th week) I honestly can't wait until these workouts are over, im so sick of doing them :/ - im not trying to be negative about them, Chalene is wonderful and the workouts are really good. The concept behind the CLX series does work...im just SO BORED with them. I'm used to doing what I want to do and not following any kind of rotation.

Anyways...

I'm also trying to change my mind set on food right now, trying to not run to food with every emotion i have. Its still hard but every time I say "no" to the craving or the urge...i feel that much more stronger. Every day there is going to be something that I'm craving so im trying to stay in that mind set of "its always going to be there"....

Here is another pic of what I made for supper, well what DH and I made. Its Salmon burgers with seasoned vegatables and red beans and rice. It was delicious!!
420 total calories
Don't the veggies look good? There green giant antioxident something another and cooked in olive oil and a light butter sauce. They were delish. And the rice and bean were just zantara's box mix. The salmon burger is by trident seafood. There so good on a sandwich too and have 19g of protien...so good for you :)

And finally - the best for last ;-)


Chocolate Dream Pie
The pie is about 280 calories a servings...so not exactly light. But if I made it with skim milk and sugar free pudding mix it would reduce the calories a lot. I didn't have any...well, a bite of daughters, LOL.

August check-in

Morning, Are you having a good day? I hope you can say 'yes I am' cause I'm always having a good day when I'm not at work....