Friday, April 08, 2011


Im so excited - and I just can't hide it :)

DH bought tickets for us to see the Atlanta Braves play the Phillies on Sunday. Just the two of us, the kids will visit with there mawmaw. And he took a vacation day that means we have the whole weekend together. So happy about that. This is something new for us...we never get to enjoy the weekends together since we both work them normally.

Scale was at 167.2 this morning. I wish i could see 165 again, just so I know I haven't done any damage. My eating has been around maintenance the last week. Just trying to keep my sanity here :/
I will get back to the diet grind when I feel mentally strong enough. I'm still adjusting to my new job right now along with all my home chores and workouts. There are days when i get so frustrated i could just scream. Its hard trying to juggle everything AND be on a diet. I've gotta take it slow here.

Im finding it more and more difficult to work around all the food at work. I find myself wanting to 'taste' everything...lately I have been taking a bite here and there. Its just hard to say no. I hate being so strict on myself too so i figure why not take a bite and get that craving out of the way. I know all too well that a bite isn't going to hurt me. And I take very small bites guys...

oh and its April 8th and my TOTM still hasn't started. I know I can't get pregnate because i had a tubal ligation after the emergency C-section with my son. I wish i could remember my last cycle? It was last month..just can't remember the day...LOL. I don't don't why but its always a huge relief when i get my period...

Today is CLX push circuit 1 followed by some Cathe Friedrich 4ds low impact step. I need another stress reliever. Yesterday I did bodymax 2 timesaver cardio and anyone who knows Cathe workouts, know its a very intense workout. I had a good sweatfest yesterday :D
Have a great weekend :)

 Update: Workout done as planned. Burned 450 calories in 70mins :D

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

A Happy Update :)

pic of our hike at sweet water park

Just wanted to come on here and say I was doing better. I started feeling better on Monday and by Tuesday I was back to my normal, chipper self.  I started a log on how I feel everyday. I call it my " PMS Diary" (lol) because i believe its hormonal.  I may share it with you all one day but as of right now its private. I was reading about the symptoms of pms and keeping a daily log was one suggestion to see if there is a pattern at all.

anyways. I started thinking about something a friend told me, about my binges. Even though binging, for me, only happens when im in a very bad emotional place (for the most part anyway) something in my head clicked when she said  that her nutrionist suggested "one cause for a binge is when were too strict on ourselves" That kept repeating in my mind that last few days. I started thinking about all my religious acts when I do eat.  I automaticly pull out my scale + measuring cups everytime I eat - its habit now. Do I really need to? After years of doing it, im sure i can eye ball portions now. I also noticed that I beat myself up too much. Its true, I pick at everything I do in life, not just eating. Like.." my legs aren't normal looking so i can't wear shorts" or " there is so much loose skin, i will never be able to wear a bathing suit out in public' "  And its not just my body image either, its my house chores, my cooking...if it isn't all perfect, i feel really bad about it. Why do i have to be perfect all the time? Life isn't perfect...i shouldn't expect it out of myself.

I've got to remember to tune out that little negative voice in my head too. Chalene talks about this in her motivational CD. Its one of the things you must do before starting any reach any goal, you must  believe that you can do it. And if your constantly putting yourself down, of course your going to give up. You have to believe that the goal is reachable.

anyways...enough of the serious talk :P !!!!!

So I've been doing great with my workouts, on target with CLX. Just completed my second week yesterday in the push phase. I love lifting the heavier weights but the only complaint that I have is the low calorie burns? 89 calories burned yesterday while doing 35mins of strength training. That's just not high enough for me.

I'm taking a rest day today simple because i was extremely tired yesterday...out of ordinary tired. I do have to work later so i will get in a lot of walking around then.

My weight has been hovering between 167-168...not bad considering the amount of food that I ate over the weekends binge eating. And ive been lifting heavy weights lately, I'm close to starting my period so im not going to obsess over those #'s.  I'm actually considering taking a few weeks off from counting calories and seeing if i can eat normal - without calculating the calories/logging. I long as i don't eat fast food (you know how quickly the calories can add up there) and as long as i don't eat more than a portion of any food, i should be ok! Still debating on it.....

anyways, i leave you with some pics of our hike on Monday.

this snake scared the crap out of all of us. Thankfully it wasn't a poisonous snake..looks like a king snake?

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Dark Place

Ive got to stop this. Seriously... I feel like a failure this morning. Last night i knew what I was doing when i sat and just ate mindlessly :(

There is something inside me that is screaming and i keep trying to feed it, literally.  It's not working. I want to cry right now...i want to scream and yell at this weak person. This is not me, im strong...i don't let anything break my focus when I have a goal.  Its almost like its one way or the other with me...there is never a happy medium.

Im in a dark place right now...trying to climb my way out of it. Really sucks! I'm a very happy person and this isn't me, AT ALL. If it keeps going on like this...if I'm still fighting this in another week, I may have to make a doctors appointment :(  Its not fair to me or my family to have this walking sad zombie posing as mommy.

I wish my damn period would start already. (and no, im not pregnant...can't get pregnant )

UPDATE: OH MY GOSH...i just went back in my blog and found this post. I felt this way at the same exact time last month. But I didn't let it get to me or mess up my diet plan. This is huge in my mind guys...HUGE. Now I know im not having some breakdown or something ( I can get a little paranoid at times) I know that this is normal....its hormonal.  Whew,lol.

ps. Im reading all my blogs that I follow and just wanted to say thanks for lifting my spirits :) Now its time for me to do some lifting...heavy weight lifting that is :P

August check-in

Morning, Are you having a good day? I hope you can say 'yes I am' cause I'm always having a good day when I'm not at work....