Sunday August ,14th 2011
Yesterday . I woke up with a racing mind that never really stopped through out the day and had good energy. I don't mind the energy part, but the racing mind SUCKS! Just constant thoughts and their usually about what I need to pay, or do for the day. Its never-ending. Think I will start writing it all down and see if that helps?
I drank some Chamomile tea to calm my nerves and it helped a little. I've heard of Kava Kava helping a restless mind...may have to try that. But with my addictive behavior - I won't be able to try it very long before I get hooked. My Docs appointment is Friday morning and BOY I CAN'T WAIT. Im not looking for an instant cure here but im looking forward to his advice.
Monday August, 15th 2011
Its 67 degree's outside..i plan on throwing on some clothes and walking my lab in a few minutes but wanted to check in right quick.
So the last few days I have been dealing with really bad urges to eat. Borden, stress, nerves...who knows why - im sure its a little bit of everything but there's not a doubt in my mind that the weight will start piling on if I don't get a grip on this today! We went grocery shopping last night and I picked up some low calorie food, yogurt, fruit, whole wheat crackers , low cal cheese for snacks and our supper this week isn't too high calorie as long as I stick to one servings. I'm making stew beef tonight an I will make sure to pick out just a serving of the beef part and lots of veggies ( eyeballing the potatoes of course). I plan on eating side salads with everything...im always lacking with the veggies. Maybe I will buy some V8 low sodium juice to supplement that.
I don't want to gain any weight back, the scale has been stuck at 168 for about a week now. Not sure about today weight - hubby put it up, away from me. I will weigh on Saturday morning.
I got some advice from my boss too about eating. She watches what she eats during the week and on weekends she's allows a little more. Thats a good idea, but first I have to be able to get through a whole week of eating good. So today is day #1 of back on track. And its going to be a sturggle because there is Nutella and chocolate graham crackers in the house :0
In past post I have mentioned about my additive behavior as a teenager, I was hooked on street drugs. None of the hard stuff (needles) but i had my share of experiences with them. Well, It dawned on me that I replaced those bad habits with food right before I met my husband (about the time I quit using). Thats how I gained all that weight. My Therapist hasn't gotten that far yet...this is something that I thought off the anther day while doing laundry ( mind was racing that day)
To be honest...the therapy isn't going like I expected it too and im considering not going back to her. She's great, really - but we talk more like friends and after leaving my last appointment with her my first thought was "why am I going to her again?"
Maybe I need to see if I can find a therapist that specializes in eating disorders? Dunno, lets see what my doctors says friday....
Well, over and out and until next time my friends :)
Just a quick update...gotta pop in and report my workout. First I walked the dog for 20mins then did Cathe's 4ds HIS+B&C. It was a great workout. Really proud of myself for getting it all in :)