Wednesday, July 06, 2011

Bummed This Morning

About two weeks ago I called and left a message with the only therapist within a 50mile radius of me, i wanted to try and get an appointment with her. Well, I totally forgot about it and went on with life, yesterday she calls me back. I was happy to see it was her calling me back and not a receptionist or nurse. It was the actual therapist. I liked that! She sounded extremely down to earth so I made an appointment with her for next week.  My insurance cover it so thats pretty cool.

When I hung up with her I immediately thought "What in the hell am I doing? Am I going to a therapist now or doing OA?" I was looking at my husband and he said simply " why not do both?" (just love him, he makes things so simple, LOL)

So I guess im going to do both for now. Still no OA books, they should arrive tomorrow.  I'm starting to think if maybe I jumped the gun on ordering these books. I'm starting to re-think my path here, or maybe its fear that has me wanting to turn and run back to counting calories? I feel less confident this morning about it.  Here is my food yesterday

And everything is measured in portions:
cinnamon oatmeal w/ chopped walnuts & sweetner
1/2 can chicken with light mayo and dill relish on whole wheat bread ( chicken salad sandwich)
natural peanut butter (1tsp) on a slice of whole wheat bread, 1 pear
Large salad with egg and chicken, 1packet of honey mustard dressing, 6 whole wheat crackers, a red plum + peach
low carb wrap with some turkey taco meat and cheese, sf pudding cup

Actually when i look at it like this - it isn't that bad. around 1700 calories.

I guess what im feeling bummed about is my last meal, it was around 9:30 pm, after work :( , i feel so guilty when I eat that late. Gotta work on that :)

Im still stepping on the scale everyday - something I said i wouldn't do. This morning I weighed 168...not bad after all the eating I did around the holiday. I usually go up to 170+ when I gain water weight...

1 comment:

  1. Thanks for stopping by on my blog. Nothing wrong with seeing a therapist and doing OA. As far as the books go, even if the program , the meetings, the steps don't jibe with you ..the books will educate you and help you dig deeper in to what is behind this. Many times I've been post binge..and I mean the bad kind of binge where I'm shoveling food in not because I want to enjoy watching tv and eating type binge but I want to be full- and- get- sedated kind of binge. Just having those books to read comforts me, it makes me see Im not crazy and that I'm part of a bigger community and can turn it over to God. Those books have helped me many, many times.

    sorry to go on and on but I wanted to share that I truly get how you are feeling. I'm feeling fear and uncertainty about what I'm doing too. We know how to diet and how to blow a diet. But do we know how to have a normal and healthy relationship with food? Lately, Some days I'm food obsession free, binge free, food is not the #1 issue in my life, I'm communicating and feeling emotions and living life. Some days I get on the scale or my husband comments that my bottom is less bony or my shorts feel tight, and I want to head straight for the next diet. But that path keeps leading me to more scale obsession, more deprivation , and then more binges which means weight gain in the end. It doesn't work for me but I'm scared I'll regain the weight I lost. So it is scary. The whole world diets. But do they succeed? check out a blog on my blog list's titled Weightless. This is a new blog to me and it is really , really helpful...sorry to go on and on...


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