Sunday, June 05, 2011

Going Through Something?

I never know what mood im going to wake up too? Yesterday I was ready to tackle anything, today - not so much. My first thought was that I had to work later today and DH is home. I hate working when he's home...i miss him :( . Our schedules are so crazy and now that his mom is here almost every day (3/4 days during the week) it makes it almost impossible for us to have a conversation without a third party listening. It gets frustrating - :(

Ever since I allowed myself a Free day on Wednesday it has been hard to get back on track. I've been over calories every day since,.... those urges are back at night too.

Why do I feel i have to eat to make myself happy? Why am I not happy? I have two healthy kids who Im crazy about, my best friend is my husband - we have a great relationship. I can't wait to get home to them. I have a job, he has a job. I just don't get it? almost makes me want to cry right now. 

Here's my thoughts
Ive spent most of my life fat, and living an unhealthy lifestyle. Its only been a little over 5yrs since I've changed my eating and lifestyle. I guess its going to take longer for me to sort all this out.
I keep thinking about therapy...first im going to try an OA meeting this Tuesday since its free. I have to do donuts tuesday so i hope i have the energy and focus to go to the meeting. Im usually so tired on the day of donuts.

Something else thats bothering me this morning.
So I worked yesterday with my boss for a few hours and she told me about some things that my co-workers said about me. One thing was that I didn't make something while doing donuts, she questioned me about why I didn't make them? I told her I ran out so I couldn't make them? The person that told her I didn't make them is ALWAYS forgetting to do things and I have never ran to the boss about it. Pisses me off!!!
Another thing was how i wasn't labeling things at night so they had to label everything in the morning for me because they were afraid i wouldn't. What? I was pissed that they said that to the boss!!  These are people i thought were nice, my friends? I couldn't believe they were sneaking around and telling the boss things like that...trying to get me in trouble :( . I told her that they both told me about it a week ago and ever since then i started paying attention to it more and i just shook my head and rolled my eyes. She laughed so I guess she doesn't take them series either...LOL. 
This is how I take it : Im a good worker, and im young and fast...therefor i guess I intimidate them? I dunno..why else would they run to the boss every time I don't do something right? My gosh..its like high school all over again. ( from what I understand high school is like that, i don't know..never went.)

1 comment:

  1. Hey, wanted to thank you for commenting on my post . And taking criticism at work is always tough-I'm with you on having an environment where coworkers are open with each other versus trying to one up each other. I wanted to give
    you some hints about finding a nutritionist with an eating disorder focus. My new nutritionist is out of the Athens area which is about an hour drive for me. She was recommended to me from my past nutritionist who was leaving private practice. I think I found her originally from looking on line on my insurance carrier's site to see who was contracted with them. Having insurance cover it is great if they will. I'm not using insurance for this now, but if you were diabetic they would . Just google eating disorders and or eating disorder and / or nutritionist in atlanta. Even if you don't think of yourself as being eating disordered it doesn't hurt to look and check out some websites and / or call some folks. For me, it is worth the cost. Being eating disordered is just that, a disordered relationship with food and for me it looks like a cycle of dieting with food obsessing , binges, being out of control, self judgement based on the scale. But that's just my opinion. good luck


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