Sunday, May 15, 2011

Reached Bottom :(

Yesterday was another failed attempt to count calories. I ate...oh boy did I eat last night. Supper was what I had planned, pork chops and instead of a baked potato, I made me some mixed veggies with sauteed garlic rice. It was quite tasty...and I was full afterwords. I had a snack planned later in the day and  that would have made my day end around 1650 . That would have a been great. Then...when that 9 o'clock hour hits those urges start. That overwhelming. tightly bound, bundled up ball of mixed emotions. How is one suppose to determined what they all mean? There is only one thing that my brain interprets from it - EAT, EAT NOW...EAT A LOT. 

Started off innocent enough, i had 120 calories to work with for my evening snack. So I made a half a sandwich. Apple jelly and small amount of natural peanut butter. Then i sat down in the living room and still felt those urges. There so overwhelming. I then made a conscious decision.... i decided to give into those urges, again.

I ate a ham sandwich with baked dorito's. Then i had a bowl of honey nut cheerios with a banana cut up on top w/2% milk. Then I ate a fiber one bar....and maybe 20minutes later, which gave my stomach a little more room, i ate a chocolate protein bar because it was the only chocolate I've allowed in the house.

:(

I'm not sure what to do at this point? Feeling like a big fat failure..

I have to go to work later, and its either going to be easy to avoid all those bakery treats or its going to be a catastrophe .....i will have to make another conscious decision before i go. I can't let this get me....im just not sure what to do yet? If there is any advice -ANYONE out there has for me, I'm all ears.

Update-I'm calling a therapist tomorrow to schedule an appointment. Its time for me to face this problem. I will keep you all updated on the appointment. I'm excited because not only is she a 15minute car ride away but she accepts my insurance :) I need help so i'm reaching out for it :)

3 comments:

  1. Good luck with your doctor! You are not a failure at all, calling the doctor proves that. I hope you get the answers you are looking for :)

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  2. Good for you for calling a therapist. It sounds like you could benefit from talking to someone. It isn't easy to reach out for help but we are usually better for doing it. My therapist is a God-send.

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  3. I'm sorry you are in this place. I relate and completely understand. I think Therapy is going to be a help for you. I'm journaling a lot. When the thoughts come up to eat out of control or whatever I'm trying to figure out why. I just left the gym where I was watching a cheesy tv show that may be triggered me because all I could think of was cheese and bacon and grits. What? Check out the overeaters anonymous website and maybe that will be help to get you through the rest of the day and something to think about for support...hugs

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Thanks for reading!!