Friday, May 27, 2011

Day #1 Everything Out

No more turning to food, im sick of it! From now on I will come on here, read a book or get my mind busy doing something else! Yesterday's food binge or compulsive eating was just that...yesterday's past. No more thinking about it. This issue that I have isn't stronger than me. I KNOW im a strong women! Its just going to take time..and a whole lot of effort on my part. I've got to stay committed to this if im EVER going to be COMPLETELY happy with myself. I love myself but im not comfortable at this weight. I deserve to be happy. Im the only one that can do this.  Today's post is entitled Day #1 and its all im focusing on right now...TODAY.

First Step
I called the OA adviser (or whatever his title is?) today to confirm the OA meeting tuesday. He was nice and told me where the meetings where and when. I also found out that there are 4people in the group. WOW..only 4 people? Thats a very small group? But I will go and see what happens..if I don't like-I don't have to go back right? So the first group meeting is this tuesday.

Frustration
I JUST told my kids that they could go swimming in the pool, i said OK and also said i was going to make my supper because i was starving. Then my Mother in law said "again?" I said "I didn't realize i was eating so much?" she didn't say anything after that. If she didn't mean it that way then she should have said exactly how she meant it? She knows I use to be very heavy and im sensitive about my weight. I've confided in her about the OA meetings (her showing very little interest BTW). I haven't ate bad at all today, my calories for the day are at 1500...WTF is her problem? I honestly don't care. We have never really been close and I've always thought she was a bitter person anyway. SO THERE!

My kids have drove me NUTS over that damn pool today. Every five minutes "mommy, can we go out and swim?" is all i heard. I told them to GO. NOW! The pool is 3ft deep so not over there heads but I still have to watch them...and its boring to sit by the pool and watch them...but thats my job.

anyways...today was a rest day. No workout. My body was tired anyway and i was struggling to keep the house clean with the kids home. MY GOSH I WISH THEY WERE IN SCHOOL and I don't care if that makes me a bad mother..its the way I feel. Its hard taking care of them all day with my husband asleep in the other room. He works night-shift, i love his job but i truly hate his hours.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Amelia, I wasn't on the computer much yesterday but I 'd read your post and wanted to give you support. How many days have I been great with measuring and planning and choosing to then lose it and go overboard. Good for you for writing about it and wanting to change and working to find alternatives. My gut is that your mother in law will not get this and your husband and family might not either. Many people without food or addiction issues won't get this. The point is You recognize you are using food in an uncontrolled manner and you are choosing to do something about it.

    I'm glad you are considering OA. They usually sell the OA literature about the program at the meeting so please try it. Meanwhile there are OA on line sites..on line meetings, phone meetings, message boards, just all kinds of web sites with info on compuplsive over eating. The meetings are not for everyone. For me right now, the concepts and the on line OA support and the literature are what I use. It may not be the answer for you, but I can assure you that you will find help and support and understanding .

    Doing something, loving yourself, seeking help are the big thing you should be proud of. I journal my feelings in a hand written journal (and dreams and other stuff). It helps me to identify and put down and then understand what's going on within me and then sometimes I'm diffused and don't turn to food. So maybe try that too when you are frustrated and sitting by the pool watching the kids...Hang in there.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks so much PJ, i will keep you updated on the OA meetings and i plan on blogging every time i feel the need to eat. Yesterday, this post helped me beyond measure.

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for reading!!