Tuesday, March 31, 2015

Day #7 :New Dosage

Morning,

Today is work (yawn) then its workout time. I've found a way to do the Elliptical for 30 minutes and the time fly's by! Watch a movie. Yup, yesterday I watched The Devil Wears Prada, I may push my time to 35 minutes today.  For now im exercising for my mental health. Once I get it under control and stop running to food with every emotion, I will focus on my eating more. But it's important that I get in my 4 days of exercise a week. After all, my over eating is a symptom of something that I need to get to the bottom of. And speaking of Anxiety, I have some great news!

A co-worker who suffers from anxiety told me about a counseling group that's about 20 minutes from here and they take my insurance!  He suggested a guy that's really nice so I asked for him. His first available appointment is April 14th, And my copay is only 25$ for the first visit then 16.50 after that! I pray that I like the therapist, I've got too, I really need this. I'm excited about it.

Day #7 of the weaning process. Now im taking 75 mg of Bupropion for 7 days. I'm sure my body hasn't had time to adjust to the first lower dosage but this is doctors orders so I will follow them.

ok, that about sums it up. Off to get ready for work.


Saturday, March 28, 2015

Day #5

Morning,

I wanted to do a quick update before work.

So today is day five of taking bupropion 100mgs. I decided (along with my doctor) to wean myself off of it because of the weight gain and well, I want to try and fight this depression without medication. Hopefully changing my lifestyle will help.

So far I'm feeling good. I do notice some anger issues, but that could be because the 'fog is lifting' and im seeing things clearly. I've mentioned before that being on medication puts me in a fog. But I still have over two weeks to go before im completely off the medication so we will see how I feel then.

Yesterday after work I drowned my stress in chicken wings and french fries. Today I'm going to do my best to get on the elliptical and sweat it out instead.

Well, that about sums it up.
be back tomorrow.

Thursday, March 26, 2015

Day #3

Morning,

I'm feeling good. I did have a mood change yesterday, I got real angry - but it was work related and well...it wasn't something that wouldn't be unusual for me to be angry about so I brushed it off and felt better. I've learned to do this a lot when it comes to work. If was to stress or get upset about every little thing I wouldn't make it to 40.

The only thing I've noticed with reducing the Bupropion is that I get a rush of energy in the morning shortly after taking it. The doc called in XL and I was taking SR so I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.

Yesterday after work I came home, ate supper around 5 pm and by 5:30 I was asleep on the couch. Around 6pm I went to go lay down in the bed and slept until 9:30pm!!! I don't ever do this, I was exhausted after work yesterday and even though the thought of working out entered my mind a few times I went to sleep instead. I feel really good this morning so it looks like my body needed it.

Today we are suppose to go hiking again in the evening, I'm looking forward to it. =)

Have a good day.


Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Day#2 100mgs

Morning,

Today is work, then hopefully another hike in the woods like yesterday. We hiked for 58 minutes yesterday, almost 3 miles. When I got home I felt so relaxed...and my legs/feet were killing me. I went to bed early, around 8:30.

So as the title says, today is day two of weaning off Bupropion ( a generic for Wellbutrin). I've been on the antidepressant (150mg SR) for almost two years now and I have put on close to 30lbs. So I feel its time I battle depression on my own ( meanwhile trying to lose some weight).

Yesterday I felt good, had some weird edgy moments, like my whole body would get kinda tense for a moment then I would think to myself " its just the stupid pill" and I would forget about it.

Anyways. I'm glad I called my doctor and he called me in a lower dose for me to taper with. Normally he would want to see me but this time he didn't. I'm thankful to save that co-pay.






Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Day #1 - The Weaning Begins

I called doctor B yesterday and he called me in 75 mg of bupropion so I can start weaning myself off the medication.

I've read some horrible stories about the side effects, but I'm willing to go through them if it means I can be in control of my life again, because right now..im just floating around in the clouds and gaining weight - and I'm miserable.

It's going to take me close to a month to be completely off the medication. Meanwhile I'm going to get a complete physical on April 9th. I'm getting a full blood panel done and a consultant about my weight. It's a new doctor...Well, I only have three choices with my husbands insurance and she was the only Lady doctor.

I made my blog private yesterday because I wanted to update a few things.

ok, time for work.

Sunday, March 22, 2015

Sunday Update

Morning,

I know yesterdays post was pretty dark. But this blog isn't sugar coated, I don't mind sharing. I'm feeling better this morning =)

I kinda wished I got some feedback yesterday but I understand, you guys don't know me nor do I know you. And giving advice can be as hard as receiving it. And afterall...I should be speaking to a therapist instead of blogging but hey, shit happens right? I roll with it...

This blog is fixing to get a new name. I've got to stop focusing on my weight loss journey and start focusing on what makes me happy.

Taking care of my self makes me happy. It's time I start focusing on fighting off my demons instead of feeding them. (literally lol)

To be continued....






Saturday, March 21, 2015

Scared

Morning,

This blog post isn't the most positive so if your looking for inspiration...maybe skip this post.

 These past few days, well heck..this whole week I haven't felt like myself. I wake up sad - and I don't like it. I'm not going to lie, I have been eating whatever the hell I want this week with only two workouts so far. I'm feeling really down =(  I know why too.. I hate looking in the mirror now. I hate the fact that when I sit down I can feel the belly fat pushing on my lungs and inner organs., I don't have anything to wear anymore because I refuse to buy anything. I hate the fact that I lost 112lbs and learned how to eat properly and exercise then I allowed myself to gain over half back. I'm mad at myself. How does one overcome this inner anger? And since I'm asking questions - How do you quit doing something that makes you feel good for just a second? How do you say no more to bad addictions? The addictions I have is of course eating poorly and too much at one time and lately its been alcohol. I'm not suppose to drink alcohol with my medications, and its probably why I'm having the blues lately, perhaps a chemical reaction in my brain.

Sigh - I know I'm a strong person. Its in me and I've proven to myself the things I can do when I set my mind to them. But right now...im feeling like a failure.

Sometimes I wonder why I even have this blog? I'm not on a 'weight loss journey' anymore. I do try..I try really hard. But it just seems that the more I try to lose weight or even stay on track the more it back fires and I get heavier. I'm not in control anymore.
 I now weigh 243 lbs. My heaviest was 273...I'm getting closer by the month - and I'm scared as hell.

If you read my blog please leave me some encouraging words or some kind of supportive comment. I need to know I'm not the only one that is going through this. I feel so alone right now =(