Wednesday, February 25, 2015



After my 'soapbox moment' yesterday I got my but on the elliptical, cranked up some music and got in a good sweat. It proved to me that working out when I'm feeling anxious really does help. I forgot about all my 'poor me' problems and went about my day. The workout completely changed my mood.

 Now I just have to workout on the eating part again. Its the part I seem to struggle with the most. If I log my calories ( and try not to lose my mind in the process) I know I will feel great at the end of the day. So I opened up myfitnesspal again and set up another account. After going by there recommended goals and upon entering my personal info, I set my weight loss at 2lbs per a week. That gave me 1430 calories. That seems awful I right?  But once I exercise I get to eat back those calories ( or half).

Here is a pic for inspiration. I want to be this size again. And I loved that dress.

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

V*E*N*T - no sugar coating here.

 I woke up feeling defeated this morning. I'm angry and tired of all this extra weight. My mind tends to lean towards one extreme to the next too. It's either throw in the towel or that's its, I'm starving myself.  I keep trying to lose weight, I try to stay consistent but its never long enough to see any real results.

Then I instinctively go back to saying "well, last time I counted calories and worked out 5 days a week, I will just do that again" problem solved.

I wish it was that easy. It was at one point. I counted calories for over 2 years continuously and then watched my calories for 5/6 more years after that. It all came to an end when I was diagnosed with my anxiety disorder and started taking medication. I wish I could go back and slap that zoloft out of my hand, I would have never taken it if I would have known what it would do to me. I just didn't give a rats @ass anymore. I went from a gym rat to a couch potato.

But anyways, I can't live in the past ... its over. I have to figure out what I'm going to do now.

Right now I feel as if I have two ropes tide to either arm, one rope represents my work/family and the other rope is the I-like-to-eat-healthy-and-workout Amy,  together they are pulling me apart. Its exhausting trying to stay in the middle of this tug of war. Right now the work/family side is winning.

Why can't I have it both ways? Why can't I just come home and start working out and just give up all unhealthy food for now? There is no reason why... I wonder if its my depression or anxiety that keeps me down? I wonder if I should increase my wellbutrin (bupropion)? My doctor mentioned it on my last appointment...maybe I should try it?  I've been on wellbutrin now well over a year and I have put on 20lbs since starting it. But is it the medication or my addiction to food?

sigh, I have a lot of unanswered questions right now. I will feel better once this anxiety goes away...I just needed to vent.

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Day #1 Back on Track


Another day another dollar, isn't that what they say?  Well, I got my schedule for this upcoming week and I'm not off until Friday and Sunday of next week. That sucks. Thats 7 days in a row of working, sigh.
Oh well, I keep reminding myself that I have a job and to quit bitching.

Yesterday's reboot went pretty good. Here is my food for the day along with my workout.
B-2 eggs, turkey sausage, coffee
L-grilled chicken spinach caesar salad, green tea
S-Atkins sesame chicken and vegetables meal, 2 graham crackers with 2 tbs natural peanut butter.
W/O-30 minutes Elliptical

I'm never really hungry in the morning but I force myself to eat. I know if I don't eat it just leaves room for a binge after work. I still had those cravings after my last meal but I just kept ignoring them. Its pretty hard at first...and I know if I didn't workout it would have been really hard.

The elliptical workout was good, I have to admit that my legs and butt was burning to begin with, so I had to really dig in deep to go 30 minutes. I never increased my resistance..just stayed at 1 the entire time.

After work today I'm going to do a circuit with the Elliptical. 10 mins on, then do a segment of Cathe's power hour (upper body only), then 10 mins back on the elliptical...and so on until I feel good and burnt.

I will check back in tomorrow morning with an update on my day. =)

Saturday, February 21, 2015

Update 2/21/2015 : Rebooting

Good Morning,

I'm on my husbands laptop because our computer decided to act up. My hubby is running a startup repair on it right now, I'm not sure whats going on with the thing. I'm just glad I've got this to surf the web with or my morning cup of coffee just wouldn't be the same.

I'm so sick of this weather. Its so cold in Georgia...makes me want to move further south. We had some snow flurries yesterday, I was hoping we would get enough accumulation for me to stay home from work today, HA!. But nope...its all melted now.

I've got some good news! My elliptical is here!!!! Yup, we assembled it last night and I plan on getting my first workout on it after work today. Im excited! Now its time to get back on track with the most difficult part of my weight loss journey, the eating. This whole week has been a step back since I started low carb. And I feel it too, just very tired and run down. My appetite is back along with all those nasty cravings. Now I have to go through the whole process of eliminating carbs from my diet again. I think low-carbers call it rebooting. In four days I should be feeling a lot better.
I did get in two really nice workouts, but that's it. I was off for four days and since the kids were home we ate out a lot, spent what little bit of tax refund we got back and just had a nice relaxing week. I enjoyed it. But now its back to reality today...including my healthier way of eating.

I have to be at work in about an hour so I need to go pack my so food and get ready. Have a good day =)

Wednesday, February 18, 2015

Hump Day - Update


Its early, around 6am. I have to be at work in about an hour so this won't be long.

So for the last two days I have got in some great workouts! Monday I did 40 mins on the Total Gym and yesterday I did P90X Cardio. This morning I woke up to some nice muscle soreness through my upper body and stomach. For some reason I never really feel anything when it comes to my lower body. So today I plan on doing a lower body workout after work.

Eating has went to crap. Yup, just being honest. My excuses are " I will get serious when my Elliptical gets here". Sounds like a good excuse right? (*eyeroll). I'm kinda back and forth with my carb intake lately. One day im ok, prob under 60 then one day im around 200. Yesterday I prob had close to 300 :-/. Its madness once those little sneaky b@stards get back into your system. Im starting to understand the effect they have on my body/mind.

Well, Im going to do my usual low carb breakfast and lunch today but hubby already said we're going to Golden Corral for supper so I must control myself there. Those of you who are food addicts or just plain over eaters must share my feelings towards buffets. There nightmares if your trying to eat healthy.  I plan on filling up on a nice salad then hitting my favorite food on the bar that just so happens to be low in calories and carbs.... the delicious Bourbon Street Chicken. OMG, so good.

ok, well. Thats all folks. I will bb tomorrow since I'm off.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

Officially Out of Shape


Yesterday was a good day. After the madness at work I came home and went to a local park and walked for 30 minutes. Its so funny how easily I lose my breath now? I mean..I was walking up a hill that was hurting my knee's and feet and at the top, I was out of breath? wth? I used to run up those hills with the 'rocky anthem' playing in my head. (hehehe)

It's crazy how life can change, and it wasn't over night that I became out of shape. It happened slowly over the course of about 3 yrs. But lets not get into all that, if you read My Story at the top of every page then you will know all the details.

So as I was saying, yesterday was good. My food was good, I was lacking in the veggie department but I plan on getting my 3 cups of greens and 2 cups of carb friendly ones today. I've already got my breakfast and lunch packed and it healthy :) ( eggs with turkey sausage balls, 4 green leafy-turkey-avocado roll ups, green tea)

Wanna hear something funny? I was suppose to be off tomorrow but dumb me opened my mouth and told the manager that we didn't have a cook for Friday ( she didn't schedule one) She thanked me for pointing that out and then ( and I knew this was coming) she asked if I could work tomorrow (shit)...and I said I would but my heart was sinking just a little. I was looking forward to a day off.  Oh well, it happens right? I was just doing the right thing. She gave me Monday and Tuesday off so thats kinda nice...two days in a row is very relaxing.  But then again, Monday is 3 more days away gah!

ok...time to get going. I'm still so very excited about my Elliptical. =) I'm going to be so sore the next I love being sore after a workout. I need to hit the Total gym after work today.

ok, laters

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

A New Toy For MEEeee!!


So - ... I bought an Elliptical yesterday and it should be ready to pick up in a few days. I can't wait to use it.  I remember a few years ago when I did low carb and the elliptical I got quick results. Its a Gold Gym brand that I got through wally worlds online website, It had great reviews (4 starts out of 5 with 630 reviews) And the price was 'rolled back' as they put it.

Now I just have to figure out where I'm going to put it? :-/ to work. It's the day of the 'Re-Grand Opening' And NOOOOOOO im not excited. It's ridiculous! And what makes it worse is that I have to cook today :-(  Have I mentioned lately how much a hate my job? No? Well....I do. I filled out two more applications yesterday online in a medical office environment. I need to get away from retail. Its just to stressful.

ok, enough b*tching. I will bb tomorrow.