Tuesday, December 23, 2014

Christmas is Almost Here!

Good Morning,

Another early morning for me. I went to bed around 8:30 last night and my eye's popped open at 4 am, I don't have to be at work until 7 so all is good.

So my kids are going to be so excited come Christmas morning, I can't wait to see there faces. They got things that we said we just simply couldn't afford or "Santa may not be able to bring". Well, we made sure that we saved money for there gifts. I've got some good kids and they deserve some nice things. Growing up, neither my husband or I had a lot, so its nice to see our kids get the things they really want.
 Its a family tradition for them to open up one gift on Christmas eve...and its something they really didn't' expect us to get.  One of those new Video game system ( and I can't remember which one). I just can't wait until tomorrow when they open it =)

Update: So my anxiety is better, still lingering - but better. On my last post  I was talking about why my anxiety was up. Well, I talked to my boss and she assured me that I had nothing to worry about.  I'm happy in the Deli and don't want to go anywhere. The Bakery is fun but just too stressful, they expect 5/6 people to do the work of 10? Its impossible.  My husband pointed out another reason why my anxiety could be up. After a stressful day at work I would come home and have me a little drink before bed, and I'm pretty sure that isn't helping. Alcohol and antidepressants don't mix too well.

So last week I got in 3 days of exercise, No workouts yet this week, but its only Tuesday. I still haven't had time to go to the gym for a membership. On my days off we go out and Christmas shop or grocery shop. I still feel it isn't an excuse, I mean stopping by the gym and checking it out would only take about 20 minutes.

Maybe in the back of my mind I feel as if I don't need the gym because I didn't go to one before? (( I know, im so wishy washy....*eyeroll. )) I have been looking on the internet for elliptical trainers and found a few in my price range with great reviews. Maybe buying one of those and doing it before work + eating healthy will be just the combination I need to start my engine again? I could still do the cardio classes at the gym for variety..there only 15$ a month. My husband is still determined to start his weight loss journey in January. I'm excited for him and for me...there won't be any junk in the house to temp me anymore.

Bottom line is that I still care, and this weight will come off. Its all in the mind.

ok, Im done mumbling now, If I don't get a chance to get back on here in the next few days...have a safe and Merry Christmas!!!

Saturday, December 20, 2014



Im blogging this morning because my mind is racing right now. I hate when I feel like this, and it only happens when something is truly bothering me , or I can't make a decision.

The last two days I've been helping out in the bakery. I like the job part but I keep getting all these questions and comments from other co-workers asking "are you going back over there"  " I wonder if they're trying to push you back over here?" and one comment suggested that the intentions could be for me to replace either the assistant or the manager.


And I could honestly care less about going back over there. Sure, I will help out until the cake decorator returns, ( he's had surgery and won't be expect back for some time) but something tells me that they ARE trying to push me back over there? ( and when I say 'they' I mean the store manager & Bakery manager)

Today I am in the Deli and I have every intention of telling my manger that I DO NOT want to go back over there permanently and I will only help out until I am no longer needed. I will also tell the store manager this so that there is no confusion.

Now I know why I left the bakery in the first place... too stressful.

Thursday, December 18, 2014

I Need to Vent.


Ugh, I'm so frustrated right now. I had every intention on going to the gym yesterday but didn't get a chance too. They said I could go in for a free workout and tour and it would take about 45 minutes for the tour. I even had a time set to go in... but of course something happened and I couldn't go. Now I have to work today, later my daughter has a band concert so today is out. Maybe I can go Friday after work? Well there is no "maybe" about it, I will go friday after work.

Im just so fed up with this angry feeling. I'm so frustrated with my weight, frustrated with myself for getting this big again, frustrated because It could have easily been stopped 3 yrs ago if I would have just kept working out.

I know I shouldn't beat myself up. But I am today. I wish I could go back and shake some sense in that girl that threw up her hands and said "F*ck It" 3 yrs ago. It took me every bit of 5 years to get to the size I was (8/10). Why did I just give up? Why did I quit fighting... I've never been a quitter, but I did that day ( I can vaguely remember)

Yesterday It was a horrible eating day, I binged from lunch time on until right before going to bed. This is the behavior I have to stop. And it all starts with me going back in the past and feeling guilty. Then I figure, well I'm already fat...might as well eat what I want and start over tomorrow.

sigh.. I know when people read this they might not understand where I'm coming from. But I have to vent about it or I will explode at this point.

ok, time to go to work. Today I'm in the Bakery because one of there decorators is out for a while so I'm filling in.

sorry again, but this is how I feel right now and I need to get it out.

Tuesday, December 16, 2014

I Woke Up


Its raining here in Ga, well at least where I am, west of ATL. I woke up at 3am with the urge to potty. Then I noticed my throat was dry so after a sip of water I settled back down to sleep. Well , THAT didn't happen. ugh

Now im here...on my blog...at 4:44 in the morning. Its not really early for me but still, I have a long day ahead of me so a couple of more hours of sleep would have been nice.

I did a circuit workout Sunday, Cathe Friedrichs: Body Fusion. It was the first workout in over a month. ( I know, sad) but man I felt good after. I've decided to go check out a gym that is about 10/15 minutes down the road this Wednesday. I think its 25$ a month ( with a years contract) or 35$ a month, no contract. I may pay for just a month of no contract to see how it goes. Its got really good reviews and in the online pictures there is people of sorts of ages and sizes there.

I will have to infest in some more workout clothes. I have a few bottoms but no tops.

My eating has improved greatly since confessing my weight the other day. I'm already down a few pounds..and once I hit the gym and start getting that drive again, it will all work out in the end. =)

I thought about selling some of my smaller pants since I have tons of jeans, because once I get down to a comfortable size I can have the pleasure of buying new ones.

ok, time to get my day started. Im working in the deli today doing the salad bar, my favorite position there. Your basically by yourself all day =)

Sunday, December 14, 2014

Christmas Vent & Shameful Weight

Good Morning,

I'm happy to be finally posting again because for about a week now I was unable to get into my blog. My little girl started a google account for a school project and for some reason google linked both our accounts. Sounds confusing right? Well you should have seen me last Wednesday trying to navigate through all the security questions and jibber jabber tech talk. I gave up and I finally asked her to help me yesterday. And wouldn't you know it, she figured it out in less then 10 minutes.
anyways, it's all good now.

So my week has been the same old thing. Work - house cleaning,  blah blah blah. We did get most of the kids 'big item' Christmas shopping done so thats good. Now we will just get a few more cheap things so they have more presents to open. ;-)

Christmas Vent
You know, growing up a Jehovah's Witness we didn't celebrate Xmas. Mom would go out a few days before the 25th and get us a little something. But I never "opened" a present until I had my first Christmas with my husband.
 I know it's Jesus Birthday, but when did buying your daughter a 400$ purse intertwine with that? ( no I didn't buy my daughter a 400$ purse but I know someone who did and I think its ridiculous!)  And all retail stores are a NIGHTMARE this time of year. Its madness!! You can't peacefully shop without  saying 'excuse me' 15 times and sometimes I just want too push all those d@mn buggies out of my way. Oh and the drive there is a congested mess too!
I just wish it wasn't so materialistic, and I'm sure for most families it isn't. Me and my husband only buy for our kids. my niece and our parents, and if we have the $ I will get something for my husband. But that's it. I know I probably sound like a grinch right now and maybe its because I work in retail? But this time of year is way too stressful, I will be glad when the 26th comes.

Ok now I'm changing the subject. So I MADE myself step on the scale the other day and I wasn't expecting the # I saw. It's got to be the stress or sodium or something because for the most part I have maintained 230 through the holiday season. This is a shameful and ridiculous weight. I haven't' weighed this much in over 7 yrs. My husband insist on waiting until January to exercise.. why can't I do it now? I want to do it now but It's almost like I don't want to do this alone anymore.  But I can't help but feel depressed and sad when I think of where I was about 4 yrs ago and where I'm at now. Talking about it isn't going to help, thats the one thing about weight loss...no one can do it for you.

Wanna here something that really struck me hard the other day ( and yes, it kinda funny)? Well, I was at work and I bent down to pick something off the ground and the damn button on my pants popped off. Yup..that sucker flew about 3 feet and rolled into a beautiful dance before falling flat. Luckily no one saw it. As soon as I realized what had happened I told myself ' this has got to stop! How much more weight are you willing to put on before you do something about it?"


Thursday, December 11, 2014

Working In The Bakery Today


Its Thursday morning, around 5:45, I've got 15 minutes to chat with you guys before my day starts.

Today is going to be interesting. As you all know I work in a Deli at a well known grocery store. But, I used to work in the Bakery as the Assistant Bakery Manager. I quit after I got tired of dealing with the Managers sneaky and selfish ways and transferred over to the Deli. Best decision I ever made, I love the Deli and the people there. Yes, there is drama just about every day but thats what expected when you get a bunch of women together. LOL

Well, last week I was asked by the Bakery Manager if I could help with production ( cakes) for one day this week. I said "sure" why not.

So I find out YESTERDAY that not only will I be working with a lady from corporate , but the Bakery's Vice President is suppose to make an appearance. They are both very strict and by the books.  And guess what folks .. Want to hear the funniest part of it all? The Bakery Manager is on vacation.When I heard that I was like WTF?  The Assistant Bakery Manager is a girl I trained three years ago. It just all feels so weird to me to be going over there and getting in the middle of that mess. My boss in the deli told me yesterday to not worry about anything over there...That I'm just helping out.

Well, that makes me feel a little bit better. LOL

Oh, and I'm thinking about a good name for my blog. The name now seems so boring and blah...I want something with spunk.

ok, 15 minutes is up. Have a great Thursday :)

Wednesday, December 10, 2014

Good Advice On Anxiety,Worrying, Stress.

If you have about an hour and half of extra time on your hands AND you struggle with anxiety, stress and worrying then you might want to check out this video. It's very helpful, the speaker is has a nice voice ( which is nice) and is easy to understand.