Wednesday, April 16, 2014

Talk to Doctor

Morning =)

I emailed my psych yesterday and told him about the panic attack and the side effects of the pills. This was his response::

we don't have a lot of option as to what to try.
if you feel comfortable doing so give it a couple of days more, if the same things happen stop the med.
you may also want to try half the dose
Try to keep the next appt its difficult trying to do it solely by email

So his guess is as good as mine?

I also talked to my husband and he said to just go ahead and finish the whole bottle and see how i'm doing after that.

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

Day # 63

Good Morning,

I'm off work today ( YAAHOO) and I plan on getting in a cardio workout and painting a picture. I want to test my artistic ability and paint more backgrounds. I never showed a pic of my last painting did I? I will have to create a page for my paintings =)

So I'm feeling a little better today. I didn't drink my 2nd cup of 1/2 decafe this morning and I don't feel as anxious. I started taking 2 pills of bupropion this morning. I really, REALLY hope that wasn't a mistake. This stuff has me on an emotional roller coaster ride - im just gonna ride it out for at least 6 weeks (or 2 months )until I know it's full effect on me. Im hoping the side effects will go away soon. Its suppose to be the only antidepressant that doesn't cause weight gain.

Speaking of Weight
No loss in weight for 2 weeks now. The scale has been hovering about 1 pound up from my lowest weight. In the past this means im fixing to get a 'whoosh' as I like to call it. A 2 or 3 lb weight loss at once. Lord I hope so, im getting sick of doing all this work with no weight loss. But on the other hand I can look in the mirror and see new muscle definition, I can tell im tightening up everywhere, its just going to take some time and I've got to remember that. Its only been 2 months. Im proud of myself for sticking to it even when I fall off the wagon

And I need to vent. 
So I work in a deli  with about 5 women in the mornings. They all talk about each other and it can get a little stressful. I don't like drama so I keep my mouth shut and just work. But lately they're all pissing me off. They keep requesting weekends off? I haven't had a Saturday or Sunday off in 4 weeks and I'm starting to get irritated about it. I told my husband yesterday that I plan on requesting  a Friday, Saturday and Sunday off soon or I won't get it. Its ridiculous!!

I had a girl approach me three weeks ago about Easter Sunday, it was suppose to be my Sunday off and she told me about some plans she had for it. ( we are suppose to be rotating Sundays off but I haven't seen the advantage of that yet) She asked me in the middle of me waiting on a customer and I was dumb founded. I said 'well, you've been here longer than I have so take it". But I kinda figured I would have this past Sunday off - WRONG.

Yep...its starting to piss me off big time.

Monday, April 14, 2014

Panic Attack

So my "just cause" post this morning was me having a panic attack. I was feeling all sorts of emotions but mostly panic. I felt like I was losing my mind...

After I got to work I started feeling better, and later on I felt almost normal again.

Now that I think about mind has been racing for alteast 3 days now so I guess it all came to a head this morning.

Just giving an update =)

Just Cause

I feel so mixed up this morning. I'm angry, sad, lonely and feeling discouraged. I hate how I feel...its got to be the medication. sigh. Just really hoping this will go away soon. My mind keeps racing and I can't think clearly.

Im hesitating on emailing my doctor because he will want me to come in and I can't afford it right now. My co-pay is 62$.

I hate taking my valium but I think today I will. I've got to push through this....

And I have to be at work in 30 minutes.

....guess its time to put on a happy face =(

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Roller Coaster Ride

Good Morning,

At this point im not even going to mention the fact that I'm up for work and don't want to go, I'm pretty sure from my previous post you get the point......*wink

So when I got home yesterday I was exhausted from work but I still pushed through a total gym workout. I had intended on doing a cardio as well but that didn't happen..I was beat. A hot shower felt great after that and I also felt those lovely endorphins too. My calories were great, around 1700.

Today will more than likely be a rest day or perhaps some cardio after work. If I have a bad day I will do a cardio.

Medication Update::::
So I started taking bupropion seven days ago and at first I had massive amounts of energy and just very up beat, then on the fourth day I started having these mood swings. Something would bother me, something stupid and my mood would just drop and my mind would start racing. ( people with anxiety know what im talking about, negative self talk)
 I'm going to keep taking this pill for at least 6 weeks. Wednesday I go up to 150mgs, twice the dose im taking now, so I'm kinda looking forward to that. One thing I do like about the pill is that its changing the way I think about food. All those terrible cravings are almost gone. I still get them...there just very weak.

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Shit Happens

Good Morning,

I'm up for stinking work. I'm also rolling my poor feet on a frozen water bottle, my plantar fasciitis is acting up again. I just can't afford new workout shoes right now.

So anyways. Yesterday my daughter had an doctor appointment, so I picked her up at school as a car rider. As I'm waiting, I go to text my sister and the screen on my phone starts flickering then goes black? I turn the power off & take out the battery, wait 20 seconds then try to turn it on again. Its not responding. sigh

After the doctors office I come home and get on the phone to virgin mobile. After they walk me through a few procedures they offer to send me a new phone ( im guessing it will be a refurbished phone) so im very pleased with that. I honestly didn't think they would since I purchased my phone through amazon.

I know this sounds crazy but I feel completely lost without my phone :( all my contacts, apps and pictures we're on there. Pictures that I won't be able to replace - like vacations and family reunions. I haven't unloaded my pics to my computer in a while ... sigh

oh well, shit happens.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Come ON Coffee

Wake me UP!!!

Good Morning, my eyes are wanting to close on me this morning. Hopefully this bright computer monitor will help with that.

Can I fill you on a little secret?
 I don't want to go to work today 
I want to stay home and watch Dexter in my PJ's :-D
I started watching the first season yesterday on Netflix and I'm hooked...

After work I plan on working out. Weight workout then some power walking or a possible hike after supper, will see.

Yesterday we went to a local buffet and I was good girl. Had a huge salad then some rotisserie chicken, a very small scoop of mac-n-cheese and a buttered roll. I did indulge in a slice of carrot cake but it was one of those really skinny slices...

ok...gotta go

Wednesday, April 09, 2014

New NVS & Some Inspiration

The pants I bought late last year were kinda snug and this morning they fit comfortable, woot woot!!!
 Im so excited...these are the things I can't wait for ::::
  • My pants to get loose ( starting to get loosely comfortable) 
  • My face to lean out
  • Increased Energy ( already feeling it)
  • To enjoy shopping agian
  • To shop for cute clothes again and not just clothes to 'cover me up'
  • To wear all my smaller clothes in the closet
  • To wear 'The Dress' again ( Ladies, you know what I mean)
  • To pass by a mirror and SMILE
And most importantly... 

  • To feel like a HOT MOMMA  
I will take some pics after I've lost 20lbs. No new weight loss to update you guys on, but im doing what im suppose to it will come. I measure again on the 26th :)