Monday, September 01, 2014

Its September!!

Good Afternoon,

Its about 3:30 on the first day of September, can you believe it? September? This year is flying by. The kids will be dressing up for Halloween soon..then all the madness of the holidays begin.

I just got off work at 2, it was a slow day in the deli. I love slow days, it makes my job so much easier. haha

I got back on the wagon yesterday with eating healthy. No workouts to report since last Wednesday, my 3 day workout challenge lasted one week. LOL - Oh well, at least im still trying. I will get it right one day. I think the biggest thing for me is the 'all or nothing' mentality that I keep about food. I can't have just a little bit of icecream, I have to have two bowl fulls. Today was a good day though, without even realizing it I choose healthy food...I didn't want any junk. So maybe if I don't try to lose weight I actually will? Wouldn't that be a hoot ;-)

Well , just wanted to pop in and say hello. I need to do some laundry and cook supper before my hubby gets home.

Have a nice Holiday =)

Friday, August 29, 2014

Hitting Rock Bottom


Im not to thrilled about having to work today, i'm so sleepy right now. I told my husband yesterday that I'm getting sick of my job. All the food I have too cook, it gets old fast. Its the most physical, hardest job in the deli - nobody wants to learn how to cook.

Anyways, with that said - my eating has been horrendous the past three days. Just awful, im sure thats why i'm in such a crappy mood. I feel bad and guilty for what I've ate. I started 'hiding' food and eating it alone. Its really pathetic and I don't know how I got to this place or most importantly, how to get out of it?


I need to focus on some positive stuff so all this negative energy will go away. Like:

1) Things could be a lot worst - I mean - eating awful isn't the end of the world, at least I do HAVE food to eat. I'm sure there are people out there that are starving right now =(

2) I may b*tch and moan about my job but I am grateful to have it.

3) My children and husband are healthy and we're a happy family. I'm blessed to have them.

So why do I obsess about what I eat? If you guys have any words of wisdom here or even a why for me to get out of this rut im in..I welcome your comments.

Oh and I called my insurance company about counseling and I have to pay out of pocket until my deductible is met...and I have a very big deductible . So no counseling =-(

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

Early Morning Venting


I'm off work today, I'm up early to get the kids on the bus so my hubby can sleep in. Since I work 5 days a week and he only works 3 ( weekends) , he is the one getting the kids up and going.

I don't really understand my sadness right now? Its not a hopelessness sadness, like depression. I mean, I plan on working out today and cleaning out the refrigerator and I feel up too it. When I was depressed before I didn't want to get out of bed. This isn't depression.

The sadness is about my weight. About how uncomfortable I feel in my own skin.  Its about seeing cute clothes and knowing I can't wear them. I miss my old self - and right now, in this moment...I feel as if I will never see that girl again. And it makes me sad.

Yesterday wasn't a great day, I started off good with a banana and yogurt...but ended horrible.

Today will be a fresh new start, but again...I feel like I'm in the roller coaster and can't get off. I feel so frustrated with myself.

My mind keeps going back to those diet pills. If I can just deal with the mood swings for a few months, I could get down and perhaps change my way of thinking about food. Because what I'm doing now isn't working.

I also keep thinking about going to therapy, but the closest one is 80$ a session...and thats something I just can't afford right now. I'd rather do that then the diet pills....

sigh, just venting. Thank you for listening.

Monday, August 25, 2014

Feeling Acomplished

Good Morning,

My morning begun at 4:15 am. I woke up to get a little 1/2 & 1/2 decafe coffee in me before my workout. I did Low Impact Step (40 min step aerobics ) Now its time to get the kids on the bus before I start my work day.

Just a quick check in. I've got my lunch packed and my food already logged for the day. Feeling really good right now. :-)

Have a great day fellow bloggers...

Sunday, August 24, 2014


I am so sorry for not seeing them. I just noticed that I had some comments not published and I just published them. Thank you.

I will normally get a notification when I get a new comment...but not lately? Maybe I clicked on something I wasn't suppose too?

anyways...just letting you guys know that I appreciate you :-)

Wishy Washy Ways


Its 10:35 on a beautiful Sunday morning. I'm off work today so that makes it extra beautiful...teeeheee.

I've been spending most of the morning on the computer looking up information on weight loss, diet pills ( adipex in specific) and then I ended up on myfitnesspal.

The only thing that scares me about adipex is the awful side effects. I have taken the pill twice over the past two years and on both occasions I quit because of the mood swings, depression and dizzy spells. It just wasn't worth it anymore. So why am I wasting time on the research? IDK? I guess I feel kinda lost at the moment...I can't seem to stay focused long enough to get some real results. I'm beating myself up when I don't stay on plan and that results in overeating/stress eating/ binge eating. I've got to pull the brakes on this consuming cycle ( and it is physically and emotionally consuming me). Enough already with the wishy-washy ways. An example: I can't decide to one day to do ____ ( fill in the blank) then stop and do something else? No wonder I'm still the same pants size. baaawaaahaaa

But in all honestly( and serious--ly) I know what works, its just a very slow and long process
 A healthy eating plan and exercise. It DOES WORK.

So that brings me back to myfitnesspal. I KNOW this method of weight loss won't give me awful side effects. I will in-fact, over time, feel amazing and accomplished.

I so wishy washy - but as proven in the past, I can be very persistent. So no judgement, please ;-)

Oh, and last week was a successful week of exercise. I got in my 3 4 days =)

Friday, August 22, 2014

Good Morning

2 Mile walk in this morning before work. yay =)

Now its off to work I go ( hi ho, hi ho)

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Early Morning Update

Good Morning,

Its 5:35 on a Thursday morning. I'm up early for work

So thinking and saying "I Choose Me" has been changing my way of thinking about food. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and I walk right by some Pb cookie samples, of course my hubby grabs two (*eye roll). And I turned down some coconut cream pie that hubby wanted. I told him that he would have to eat it he put it back. LOL.
 I did a 40 minutes step aerobics with my favorite instructor, Cathe Friedrich. ( Low Max step combos only premix and I still remembered all the steps! I can't remember the last time I did that one, its been over a year. )

I decided to workout every Monday, Wednesday & Friday for now until I get my groove back. And If I workout more it will be 'bonus calorie burns'. ;-)

I also stayed on plan and mentally kept up with my calories but no logging. And to keep the positive vibe going I decided to write in my 'private feelings' journal. I was kinda amazed at how good I felt after journaling? It was a positive release for me...I will continue doing so.

Yesterday was pretty dramatic for me, I had to go to the dentist for a few procedures. I was so nervous and actually had tears in my eyes while waiting for my turn. Why is it that we turn into a child while sitting in the dentist chair?
So when my turn came up they give me these glasses to wear while the bright light is in your eyes so I just closed my eyes. I had a tooth removed and two cavities filled, it was a terrifying experience. The dentist is good though, I felt no pain and she kept asking me how I was doing. But to be honest I'm not crazy about her bedside manner...she seems kinda fake and stuck up to me, but she's a good dentist so I go to her. She's just not warm and genuine to me...but I could be reading her wrong too.

I still have two more cavities to fill and then I will get a flipper for the tooth that was pulled since it was in the front. ( a baby tooth that had been clinging on for 36 years, HA)

ok, thats all for now. I will check in later this week.