Sunday, April 19, 2015

Sunday Update

Good Morning,

It's around 6am on a Sunday morning. It's been raining here in Ga for a few days now and I can't help but just be all 'blah' about it. For just a minute yesterday I think I saw the sunshine peeking out. My poor doggies hate going out in the rain.

So yesterday wasn't a very good day at work. There is some drama going on and my name was in it. There is a girl that told boss lady that I had said something about her and I didn't. Boss lady asked me about it yesterday. I told her what was said and who said it. She listened I don't know if she believed me or not but - sigh - its over now.

I don't understand why people have to be so vindictive and manipulative? My only answer is that there just not happy with there own lives so they try to hurt other people.

I don't care...that was yesterday. I'm over it. But I have to work with that 'girl' today and its hard to turn the other cheek.


So yesterday I did a 30 minute elliptical workout before work. Today I just did the same thing. It feels great getting my workout over with before the day begins. I love it!! I've noticed the elliptical is getting easier too.
My eating has greatly improved too. I marked on the calender my weight a few days ago and I will weigh in every few days to see my progress. So far im down 3lbs =)

after all the drama that happened yesterday I wanted to eat pizza. Seriously! I had a bad craving for pizza and ice cream. So you know what I did? I ate a pizza lean pocket for supper and had a nutty buddy ice cream cone and BOOM craving satisfied - no binge eating - no over eating. I told myself that after this I'm done. And I stuck to my guns =)

ok, now for a shower. Sorry if there is any typos, I've got to get ready for work!
Have a great Sunday. :-)

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Happy Humpday


I'm off work today and loving it. The hubby and I are getting ready to run up to the grocery store. I've already cleaned a lot so thats done for the day :-)

So I went to see a counselor yesterday about my anxiety & depression. It was the first time seeing him and I have to say, I was really impressed with his approach. He listened well, and the way he explained things kinda 'clicked' with me. Without going into any real detail lets just say I made another appoitment with him on Monday. So yay for that!

I don't know how many days I've been medication free now but it feels great. I am noticing my anxiety coming back...but I also am aware of it, ya know. So I can redirect my thinking and stop the process. Its going to take a lot of practice...and hopefully with counseling I can conquer it for good. I want to start mediation too. I could do it at work on those really difficult days.

anyways...just a short update. Off to get some grocerys now. Have a great humpday

Monday, April 13, 2015

Medication Free ( for now)


I'm so ready to go on a vacation. We've discussed a few approaching dates and I can't wait. I'm ready to see some blue skies & white sand. A couple of co-workers are at the beach right now and their showing pics on facebook...ugh, its torture. haha

So as of a couple of days ago I am officially medication free! I'm proud of myself for having the courage to give it a try. So far, so good ( knock on wood, right? lol)  I did deal with some anxiety Saturday morning. Now that I'm on my monthly cycle I know why. But it got better as the day went on. I just kept telling myself that it was all in my head and to let it go. It's amazing how powerful the mind can be if you can catch yourself in that negative thought process and stop it. Like I said...I'm proud of myself.

Tomorrow afternoon I start therapy for my anxiety, Im excited!! It's about a 20 minute drive from my house but the copay isn't much at all. Im thankful to have found it...I will update you guys on that as I go. The therapist is suppose to be really nice so I hope I like him.

Well, that about sums it up for me this morning, I need to go make my lunch and get the kids ready.

Friday, April 10, 2015

Day #17


I've been off the last two days and they have been so nice and peaceful. The kids are out for spring break so I requested some time off with them and my hubby. It's nice to sleep late two days in a row.

Today its back to work, blah. As a matter of fact, i'm working the next five days :-( oh well, it happens.

So the bupropion weaning process is still going well. No bad withdraw symptoms yet, so I think I will be ok once off the medication. I just have to watch my caffeine and make sure I exercise for mfy depression (which I noticed is still there, just mild)
 I am however not sleeping all night. I wake up around 1-ish and toss and turn, heartburn woke me up this morning. I took and antacid and tried to go back to felt like forever before I settled in though.

So far this week I have 3 workouts under my belt =) yup, and I plan on doing something either today or tomorrow to make it 4. My goal is 4 a week for right now until I get used to it. The girls at work want me to join that gym across the street from our work. If 4 people join at one time the price is really cheap, under 20$(gym and tan). IDK, i'm thinking about it. I have an elliptical and all kinds of equipment here...I don't really need a gym.

have a great day.

Monday, April 06, 2015

Day #13


In 8 more days I will be completely off of bupropion. I can't believe how easy it is so far? Almost zero side effects besides some agitation, but its very mild.  I remember when I came off of zoloft, I had this awful dizziness in my head that was described as 'brain zaps' by my doctor. It was normal to have them but they were so hard to work through.

So its Monday, and I'm getting ready for work. I got up at 4:45 so I could get some of my special coffee in before my workout. YES I SAID WORKOUT - eeeek! I actually got on the elliptical for 30 minutes this morning people! I gotta say, I feel fabulous.. Kinda hungry but I can hold off until breakfast.

I also did a Cathe Friedrich workout yesterday. Total Body Sculpting, it was definitely a beginner when it comes her workouts.

ok, thats it. Have a great day.

Saturday, April 04, 2015

Day# 11


I've got about an hour before work. I'm excited to have tomorrow off, I was suppose to cook but told the Manager that I cooked last Easter and had a very bad experience and would rather not this she gave me the day off.  I'm fine with that =)

I'm hoping to get a position that is coming available in the next month or so. I already talked to the store manager about it he said he would consider me for it. I'm hoping to get out of the deli and away from the food.

Anyways, its day 11 and I'm feeling good. I did have some slight mood changes yesterday but nothing major, I told myself it would pass and to not dwell on it. Once I quit thinking about it I felt fine. Its funny how the brain works. I'm hoping that once the medication is out of my system I don't have to take the diazepam any more. I do have a refill and I also have a refill of my sleeping medication...something else I would like to come off of.
To be medication free and to feel fine would be such an amazing accomplishment for me. I know it may not be possible to do it but if I could I would rather go through life medication free.

Do you fell that the older you get the less you get a sh*t? I told my husband yesterday how the older I get the less I give a rats @ss about what other people think. And my mouth filter isn't like it used to be, I'm catching myself saying exactly what is on my mind. I like it, lol. I like this new found 'older confidence' that I have. I will be 40 in about 3 years and I say bring it... I'm just getting better the older I get. teehee

I tried to count calories yesterday, It didn't end well. (oops)  I need to stop thinking about it so much then perhaps I will lose weight. I started weighing myself every two weeks, just to see if I'm gaining, losing or maintaining. These past two weeks I'm in about a 3lb range so what I'm doing now is maintaining. And that's with the workouts ( average 3 days a week). So if I could perhaps start with one thing, like not eating after supper...just start with that and keep weighing myself then maybe I can start to see some changes. I don't eat bad during the day...its after work is where I bomb.

ok, enough jibber jabber...I've been on here 30 minutes. Its time to get ready for work. Ya'll have a great day =)

Thursday, April 02, 2015

Day #9


Nothing new to report. I'm still having a hard time concentrating and I seem to be getting this little 'buzz' sometimes that's kinda sedating. Perhaps its my brain getting used to the chemical change? Hell I don't know... I'm just thankful that my withdraw symptoms aren't that bad. (knock on wood)

I had 6 cheese Krystal's and a large fry for lunch yesterday. wtf? All I kept thinking was 'why am I eating this when I've gained so much weight?" I wonder if this is me punishing myself?

I can't wait to go see that therapist in 11 days. Perhaps he can help figure me out cause I can't. I can remember on my last therapy session about 3 yrs ago the therapist saying " do you thing you deserve to be at your goal weight? " at the time I was struggling with that last 15 lbs.

anyways, something for me to ponder today. I gotta get ready for good ol' work.

Oh and I wanted to share a completely humiliating experience that I had last weekend at Six Flags. So we just arrived and we decided to ride one of the older roller coasters. We road it last year a dozen times. . So we wait in line for like 30 minutes then get on the coaster and guess what? The damn restraints wouldn't 'click' shut with me and my husband. After the girl tried to close it a few times ( bless her heart) we did the walk of shame and left. It was quiet when we got off the roller coaster I wanted to hide some where. It was so embarrassing!!! I looked at my husband after exiting and said 'you ready to go?'. We laughed it off but it really did hurt my feelings. =-(