Tuesday, October 28, 2014

Wide Awake


I woke up bright eye'd and bushy tailed at 3:45. My first thought was to get in a workout before work so 'Here I is'. ( teehee, I like saying that)

The last two days I have been doing JessicaSmithTV workouts and really loving them. Their on Youtube and you can go to her website to watch them too. They're only 30 minutes long and its perfect for an early morning workout...I feel addicted. Which is a good thing. On my next day off Im going to update my workout page with links to every workout I do ( if its a Jessica smith one) so I have a reference. I'm also going to rate them based on difficulty/ awkward moves. Some moves aggravate my knees so I probably won't be doing that particular workout again.

Work is going well, I've notice my appetite for snacking at work had decreased these last two days, perhaps its the workouts in the mornings?  And speaking of work, I wish people would stop coming to me with gossip. I told a co-worker the other day that I have basically stopped acknowledging it. I just listen then find a way to make the gossip positive.  I figure if I quit showing interest then they will find somebody else to go too.

Anyhoot, I've got to go get ready for a good sweat. I will be back on Wednesday with those links =)

Friday, October 24, 2014

TGIF 10-24-14

Good Morning blog peeps,

I thought I would stop by for a quick post. I am after all doing absolutely nothing at this moment. Well, Im drinking decafe coffee but thats it.

I'm off work today and was off yesterday too, it's been like a little vacation from work.

So this week's workouts were pretty good. The eating on the other hand, was terrible! Its funny how its either one or the other. LOL!! Maybe I should change the name of my blog to 'My inconsistent Weight Loss Journey" Because weight loss doesn't seem to be happening.

OK, ON MY LAST POST, I admitted to having some panic attacks at work. I also said that I was seeing my doctor for medication refills and to talk to him about the attacks. He just increased my anxiety medication and told me to find a way to calm myself when I feel an attack coming. He mentioned yoga and walking, he also suggested that I take a break at work and go to a comfortable place and meditate. Why do I forget about these things when I get all worked up with my crazy self? This past week I stayed out of the drama and felt so much better, so thats another factor in my anxiety.

I also mentioned weight loss surgery on my last post. Well, WLS is excluded from my insurance ( not surprising since my insurance SUCKS! ) But it does cover 8 sessions with an nutritionist and 12 sessions with a obesity counselor. The closest obesity counselor is 45 mins away. I just can't win with this. I think its a sign that I need to get my sh*t together and just do what I know works and to stop being a whinny baby. =)

ok. So Im back on MFP tomorrow and starting the day with a workout at 5am. YUP, gotta get that workout in before work so I can start the day with a clear mind. This might not happen every day but I will find a way to get them in.

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Saturday 10/18 Update

Good Morning,

I'm off work today and so loving it. I wish our job allowed us to have a set schedule with two days off in a row but retail doesn't work that way.

Work this week was a lot less stressful than last week.  As requested, my manager did put me doing something else besides cooking for 2 days and it was a nice 'mental' break. Cooking is just overwhelming..I already told her that by June of next year i want off of cooking( june is my yearly evaluation) She said ok.

My doctors appointment Thursday went as expected. He increased my meds for anxiety and sleeping but since my depression isn't bothering me he kept it the same. I told him about my anxiety attacks two weeks ago and I was hoping that he would prescribe me something that was more fast acting but he didn't. He just increased my meds. I'm good with it.

Well, I've fell off the wagon once again with exercise, I just don't get it? I used LOVE my workouts. I would actually plan them out and look forward to them but now I have lost all interest. Kind stinks. I keep searching for that fire I had once - I know its still in me. Maybe I will join that gym thats about 10 minutes away? Maybe it will boost my motivation. I keep talking about it but have yet to do it. The gym looks really nice and friendly too.

My eating hasn't been great either, I've been kinda watching it but not really logging my food like I should. I won't gain weight but I wont lose at this point either. Honestly I've been  looking into weight loss surgery. My insurance will pay for most of it but I need to call them Monday and see exactly how it works.

Have a great Saturday =)

Friday, October 10, 2014

TGIF Udate

Good Morning,

I'm just popping in here to let you guys know that I'm feeling a lot better today. I talked to my manager regarding my feelings towards cooking and she said she could have me cook 3 days a week and something else 2 days a week for now. I was so relieved to hear that.

Anyhoot, yesterday wasn't a very good day of eating so today I will get back on track. We're going to the Zoo so I will have to see what's healthy for lunch there=)

ok, have a great Friday.

Thursday, October 09, 2014

Its Just a Job


For the past week I have been experiencing overwhelming anxiety. Tuesday I almost broke down at work after lunch but I talked myself though it. Yesterday I had this overwhelming feeling that I just didn't want to be there. I feel like my skin is crawling and my thoughts are racing. I'm paranoid about stupid things. I HATE feeling like this. By noon on Tuesday I had already taken the recommended amount of Valium prescribed by my doctor, and by 2pm I was taking another 2mgs....by 6pm another 2. All it did was calm my mind just a little but not enough for my body to calm down. I felt and still feel very tense.

 I keep thinking that I don't want to cook anymore and its my dominant thought right now. Its all I think about ( I cook in a deli). I don't understand why though? I didn't mind it at first then all of a sudden my skins crawling. Its so strange.
Bottom line - I'm at a lost of what to do?

I spoke to my manager and told her that I'm feeling burnt out on cooking and its causing my anxiety to come back. I also said that I would like to be doing something else by my next 1 year evaluation. Well, at the time I felt ok with cooking up until June of next year which is my evaluation, but now I don't. Sigh, guess I will have to talk to her again and just say by January I would like to be doing something else. At least there will be a light at the end of this crazy tunnel.

I take Wellbutrin and had for over a year now. It's been working great for my depression and at first it upset my anxiety then things mellowed out. I also take Valium ( 3mgs) every day for my anxiety. This combination of medication has worked very well... up until about 10 days ago.  Then all these crazy symptoms started erupting. I've thought about it and there three things that could be going on here. First, I'm no longer running to food when I feel stressed out. Secondly, I started taking a multivitamin about 2 weeks ago but its just a plain multi no extra energy or anything so why would it interact with my meds? And finally, maybe I just need to bump up my wellbutrin dosage?

I have an appointment with my doctor next Thursday, I'm looking forward to speaking with him.

Tuesday, October 07, 2014

Tuesday Weigh In and Update


Im up getting ready for work and feeling pretty tired. Today is day 4 of 6 days straight. I really hate working that many days in a row. And whats so sad is I can't really say anything to boss lady about it because then I'm considered a complainer.

I saw a side of the boss lady yesterday I didn't particularly like too much. She got mad because a girl called out and didn't believe that she was sick. She starting saying that she's come to work throwing up before with a fever. As the day went on she got more upset, even reading text messages that the sick girl was sending to other co-workers. She said she was going to cut her hours this upcoming week. Honestly there has been drama all week in the deli. Im just sick of being there and hearing it.

So today was my weigh in day and I lost .6 of a pound. I'm trying to stay positive with that #. I was on my monthly this week, which will mess up a weigh in. I know that... but dang I was hoping to see a bigger loss. sigh, Oh well...maybe next week.

I went back and looked at my exercise log this week and I got in 4 days of workouts, thats not too bad. I also did very good with my eating. This week was a good week so I didn't do anything wrong.

Anyhoot, just checking in. Today is suppose to be my free day, I think I will just cut it back to a meal this evening though...I want to get some weight off.

Have a great Tuesday. =)

Friday, October 03, 2014

Lazy Friday

Hello There,

I'm sitting on my bootie at the moment when I really should be cleaning up my kitchen and getting my work clothes ready for tomorrow - but all that stuff is   B*O*R*I*N*G   so here I sit... sipping water....in my jogging pants. About to go eat some turkey chili with jalapeno's YUM!!

Today has been pretty good. I'm off work which is always fabulous. I've been eating on plan since Tuesday ( tuesdays are my no counting days) so that's even more fabulous. I've been walking everyday after work and feel very proud of that. One day I will get into more intense stuff but as of right now...im good with walking.

We were going to go to Applebee's for lunch but by the time I entered one of there 550 and under meals + the calories in there house salad and dressing ( which I refuse to go without) I was close to 800 calories!! We decided to go to subway instead.

 We also ventured out and got some painting supplies. Lately I have been wanting to paint a big canvas painting for our newly remodeled bedroom. We painted it about a week ago and the walls are so bare...I thought "why not paint a picture? I'm no famous artist but I do like some of my paintings" So I've been looking for inspiration on what to paint. And I found a beautiful painting of a tree with all these different colors. Of course I can't paint my picture just like the very talented artist but I can pull some idea's from it.

Anyhoot, If I really like it I will post it on here.