Friday, August 22, 2014

Good Morning

2 Mile walk in this morning before work. yay =)

Now its off to work I go ( hi ho, hi ho)

Thursday, August 21, 2014

Early Morning Update

Good Morning,

Its 5:35 on a Thursday morning. I'm up early for work

So thinking and saying "I Choose Me" has been changing my way of thinking about food. Yesterday we went grocery shopping and I walk right by some Pb cookie samples, of course my hubby grabs two (*eye roll). And I turned down some coconut cream pie that hubby wanted. I told him that he would have to eat it himself...so he put it back. LOL.
 I did a 40 minutes step aerobics with my favorite instructor, Cathe Friedrich. ( Low Max step combos only premix and I still remembered all the steps! I can't remember the last time I did that one, its been over a year. )

I decided to workout every Monday, Wednesday & Friday for now until I get my groove back. And If I workout more it will be 'bonus calorie burns'. ;-)

I also stayed on plan and mentally kept up with my calories but no logging. And to keep the positive vibe going I decided to write in my 'private feelings' journal. I was kinda amazed at how good I felt after journaling? It was a positive release for me...I will continue doing so.

Yesterday was pretty dramatic for me, I had to go to the dentist for a few procedures. I was so nervous and actually had tears in my eyes while waiting for my turn. Why is it that we turn into a child while sitting in the dentist chair?
So when my turn came up they give me these glasses to wear while the bright light is in your eyes so I just closed my eyes. I had a tooth removed and two cavities filled, it was a terrifying experience. The dentist is good though, I felt no pain and she kept asking me how I was doing. But to be honest I'm not crazy about her bedside manner...she seems kinda fake and stuck up to me, but she's a good dentist so I go to her. She's just not warm and genuine to me...but I could be reading her wrong too.

I still have two more cavities to fill and then I will get a flipper for the tooth that was pulled since it was in the front. ( a baby tooth that had been clinging on for 36 years, HA)

ok, thats all for now. I will check in later this week.

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

I Choose Me

Good Morning,

So as you can see from the pic on the right I am right back to where I started 8 months ago. I have officially gained back the 10 I lost earlier this year.

Damn it.

But I am not giving up. Nope..I know I've said it before but today is a new day...and one of these "new days" are gonna stick.

I have to go for now...got 10 minutes to get to work. But I've decided to start choosing me today. Not junk food or candy/ sweets.

Today I start choosing me.

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Saturday Update

Morning,

Today is work, then I need to come home and clean ... something, since every square inch of this house could use some TLC.

So - I feel like a failure... again. =(
 No...haven't been eating well, no counting calories, no walking. My day is like this: I work then come home and watch TV. I don't know whats wrong with me? Maybe I have reached a new stepping stone in my life? It's the 'I don't give a shit' stepping stone and I'm battling it every step of the way.  Because I do care...I don't want to be heavy and unhappy. I guess I just get so discouraged when I know the road to weight loss, and its not an easy road and I'm avoiding it right now.

I told my husband I wish I could take those diet pills that I tried last year, I hated the sight of food with them.  and it was so easy to lose weight with them. I lost 12lbs the first month. But the side effects where horrendous...I mean, wow. I can remember being VERY depressed the first two weeks. Then my emotions where all over the place. I lost that glow inside, you know...that happy glow. So nope, not taking those ever again.

I know, im in a moody mindset right now, just being honest. I don't come on here to blow sunshine up people's butts :-P

Laters...

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Day 2

Morning,

Well day one was a success. I even came home and walked 2 miles after a very tough day at work. My calories ended at 1617. I stepped on the scale and I'm down 3lbs of water weight, which a huge relief (I was hoping I didn't gain that much)

I plan on walking ( for now) just 3 days a week, every Monday - Wednesday - Friday. I may even attempt to walk before work. Once I get comfortable with that I will add in more exercise.

Now to focus on day #2 =)

Monday, August 11, 2014

New Journal & Day #1

Good Afternoon,
Sunday, 8/10/14
Im off work today and loving it! Its humid here in west Georgia, its been storming all weekend. But its nice and cool inside thanks to modern technology. I honestly don't know how the women did it in the old days with there big heavy dresses on and no AC. It must have been horrible?

Anyways, the picture to the right is my new journal. Noticed I didn't say 'food journal'. Its just a journal. I plan on writing in it everyday before bed or after work...just whenever. I wanted to start logging my food again - I honestly don't know for sure if I will or if I won't? I just know that here lately it leads to unhealthy feelings like deprivation & obsession. So I figure just writing about my feels would help?

I'm not sure what I wrote about on my last post but I haven't walked in about 2 weeks. I just completely stopped everything. I have been eating whatever I want and not walking, I know that can only lead to one thing. Weight Gain.

sigh

I haven't figured this weight loss thing out yet guys? I thought I had it nailed about 6 yrs ago when I lost all that weight and worked out everyday, but I realize now that I wasn't doing it right. Sure I was eating healthy and working out but once I got down to a smaller size I started to binge eat and that's not a healthy mindset about food at all. And I never reached goal weight (  another thing that bothers me, I came close though...with-in 15lbs)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Its now Monday morning, im getting ready for work so this will be short.

After weighing in this morning and seeing the # ( gained 7 of the 10 I lost back earlier this year) I've decided to count calories today, just today..im not going to think about tomorrow - I'm just focused on today. The first few weeks of eating healthier are always the hardest for me. If I was to focus on how much I have to lose and how long its going to take me, It will be just too overwhelming and I will want to quit.

I have a lot to lose guys, it saddens to me to think that I could gain so much back after all the hard work I did to get it off. This is a very hard lesson for me to learn about myself. It was so easy to slip into that unhealthy way of eating. So darn easy.

Ok, time for work. =)

Sunday, August 03, 2014

Confession Time

Morning,

So, I'm gonna come clean here. For the past 3 days I have been eating whatever the hell I want too.  Cheeseburgers & fries, chicken tenders ( fried), Chinese food yesterday and one of those days I had a delicious chicken and egg biscuit at one of our favorite biscuit places. Ive been nibbling at work on food I wouldn't normally eat.

I tell ya, its been fun. But its has also changed my mood. I've almost felt rebellious, like I'm punishing myself? I don't feel happy or proud, a little sadness and hopelessness has crept back into my life. I'm  having negative racing thoughts at work that I catch ( and stop immediately) . I've been short with my husband and kids too.

I've got to stop this. This ends today.  I have already logged my breakfast, lunch and snack on a notebook ( like the old days).... time to go old school again.

Off to work I go