Sunday, September 02, 2018

September 2018 Update

Hey Ya'll!

I've got about an hour to blog before work. My eye's popped open at 4:45 this morning, don't you just love that?

September sure did get here fast eh? Before you know it we will be trick-or-treating, eating thanksgiving supper then opening up Christmas presents lol

So since my last post I believe I mentioned my new antidepressant Trintellix. It's been about 7 weeks since I started taking it and although it has helped my depression a lot it's also increasing my anxiety. I no longer have the patience I used too and I'm snapping a lot. My doc prescribed some diazepem and it does help but nothing can shake it really. I'm trying to exercise some, I walked two days last week (and believe me, that's a victory upon itself lol) and noticed a difference. My right foot would start throbbing towards the end but I fought through it.
I don't really want to stop taking it because it's working. I will keep ya'll updated.

In Other News... after work Friday I get home to find the back windshield of my brand new car busted out! I was so upset, Jason and I work so hard for everything we have and to see THAT is so discouraging.  We both came to the conclusion that it had to be a rock from the lawn mower that busted it. Even though he was really careful while cutting grass.
I contacted a friend whose husband owns a auto glass repair shop and she's giving me a good deal.
Thank goodness for friends

ANYBODY ELSE watch Youtube videos? Omg I'm hooked!! Lately I've been watching cleaning and organizing one's. It's so motivating to watch them. I also like to watch before and after home improvement, oh and the weight loss video's too.

Who knows, maybe the next time I pop in here I can tell ya'll about a project I completed lol

Well, I'm going to finish getting ready for work.

Have a great Holiday weekend :)

Monday, August 06, 2018

August check-in


Are you having a good day? I hope you can say 'yes I am' cause I'm always having a good day when I'm not at work.(lol)

Since my last post I've been back to my doctor and although I have lost weight ( 11 pounds) she wants me to try another antidepressant since zolft is known for its weight gain. She prescribed Trintellix ( I think thats how it's spelled).

Well, the first day I took it my stomach hurt so bad I almost threw up, then I took it with food the next day (duh)  and it wasn't as bad. I did notice more energy through-out the day. If it does work out I just hope my insurance will pay for it - cause like most, my insurance sucks.

It's been a little over 3 months since my mom passed. I'm still in shock and I honestly think she's going to call me any minute. I guess that's how I'm getting through it. It all happened so suddenly, she was gone after 6 months of her diagnosis. When she was bedridden she was so hopeful, kept talking about walking and going to the beach, her favorite place on earth. "when I start walking im going right back to work" she would say. She even purchased clothes for future vacations. sigh....I know I shouldn't think about the things I 'could have done or should have said' but I do and it feels me with guilt. ... sigh ... it's part of the mourning process I'm told. It will get easier I'm told.
I am grateful for having such a loving, caring and hard working mom. She was one amazing women.

Thursday, June 07, 2018

HELLO : Lots To Talk About!!

Good Afternoon,

Wow, I can't believe my last post was back in November of 17'. A lot of things has happened since then.

I told you guys on my last post about my mom Getting diagnosed with Cancer but I didn't go into depth about it. ...

She was diagnosed with colon cancer back in September of last year. She went through Chemo and fought like a champ. Her health took a turn for the worst back in December, she was hospitalized with septic shock.

After three more hospitalizations she didn't have it in her to do it again. She lost weight, lost her appetite and her strength. She passed away may 31st 2018 . She was so strong and fought till the end. She refused Hospice but we ended up getting her on home hospice in her last days.

Enough about eyes are so full of tears i can't hardly see the computer screen :-(

SO, I WAS DIAGNOSED with type 2 diabetes about a week ago. My doc put me on medication and so far its working pretty good. I have to watch my carbs, eat healthy and make sure I take my medication. After leaving the doctors office I remember being in the elevator and wishing I could call mom, she was always there for me no matter what.

ok. just checking in

Monday, November 13, 2017

Temporary Feelings

Hello All,

I'm not sure why all of a sudden I started having these terrible symptoms but there just about unbearable. I keep calling the new psychiatrist I see in January to see if they have an open appointment. I was just told that there are two people in front of me.

I'm anxious, the feelings come and go...but when they go its like I have no feelings at all. Like an empty shell. It really sucks to feel like this. My depression isn't bad but its still there...lingering in the back ground.

I feel alone, even though my husband is 100% supportive and is trying to understand what I'm going through. I was hoping that these feelings would go away when I started back at my old job, I just don't understand why I feel the way i do? Its hard to get out of bed, it's hard to smile sometimes but I do. And since I'm on the's damn hard to find a decent psychiatrist. One that will listen and take time with you. I pray that the next one is a good fit.

And the fact that my mom got diagnosed with cancer about 2 months ago is also heavy on my mind, she doesn't look good and I can't even think about it without tearing up :-(

Until I feel better I will fight. I will try and I will make it through each day - one day at a time. After all these feeling are only temporary.

Tuesday, October 24, 2017

October Updates

You ever think' what is wrong with me today?". Lately that question has run through my mind a lot. I have to make myself do everyday things like cleaning or getting groceries. Working is the hardest part, I work three days a week and twelve hour shifts and the day before ( today) is always the hardest day to get through. It's weird though, cause once I get through that first day im a little bit better.

I've been battling depression and anxiety my whole life. I was diagnosed back in 2011 but I know its been apart of me ever since I can remember. All my sibling, whether diagnosed or not have it. My parents have it and I'm sure it's a long family trait from both sides of my family.

I am here because today it's particularly bad. My house is a mess, my dogs need a bath hell I need a bath but for some damn reason... i don't care. I'm tired of crying, I feel so weak when I do.

I'm seeing a new psychiatrist next Friday. I hope he can help me. I really don't want to take anything because of the side effects. Besides I feel as if I have tried every SSRI out there.

anyways. I'm down three pounds since my last weigh in.


Hey there,

This is a quick update from the above post.

I am no longer working at that job. I spoke with my department manager and decided to give a notice. I went back to the job I had before this one, the one I was at for almost 5 years...the one I'm comfortable at. Luckily they had an opening so I start tomorrow. For now its evenings until I get my foot in the door then I should get more mornings and full time hours. I got 33 hours this week happy with that now  and I started at the pay I left at:)

So about that new psychiatrist.

I went to the appointment. I filled out my paper work, paid my co-pay and waited. There was nobody there...I mean NOBODY in a pretty big waiting room. They called me back, made me pee in a cup and then lead me to a room to take my vitals.

As I sat there waiting for the BP machine to do its job I heard this man's voice in the hall way complaining about 'rags' "I don't have any rags, they need to keep rags in the rooms at all times" "this isn't acceptable!"  He was really loud and obnoxious. My first thought was "there must be a patient wondering around in the hall way. They should really get him back in his room" gesh...

After my BP was taken a very nice young lady lead me to a typical psychiatrist room and closed the door. I sat down on a comfy sofa with small pillows. I noticed tissues close by and a soothing blue/grey color on the wall.  There was a hug desk not too far from me and half the room was windows.

I sat there maybe 10 mins looking out the window and I could still hear this man in the hall way going on about something else ...  the voice comes closer to my room and a man opens the door IT WAS THE PSYCHIATRIST!!

I thought 'well shit, this is a waste of time' and it was. He didn't listen, he threw a new medication at me and sent me on my way. I came home, found another psychiatrist and made a new appointment...its in January. Oh well...eventually I will find one I like.

I can honestly say as of right now I am content. I feel good but who knows how long that's gonna last before my anxiety or depression come back. If I still feel good in January...I may cancel that appointment.

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

Hello? Was it me your looking for?

I heard that song on the radio yesterday and just had to turn it up.

Good Morning,

or Afternoon I should say. Hope all is well in the blogger world! I know its been a while, but I do think about blogging a lot if that counts? HA ha

Nothing new to report as far as weight loss goes. My weight has been gradually increasing since my last post. I did try  WW'ers back in the spring and went to two meetings and found it so tedious to count points that I quit that,. I wish they give refunds. I also tried countless times to count calories and still just can't bring myself to do it either.

I've come to the conclusion that I've reached a new stepping stone in my life. No more diets, no more rules to shed the pounds. I simple don't have the patience anymore. Im just gonna try to do my best. That's it, whether its walking, strength training or choosing a salad/healthier option .. Im just gonna try. It's that simple. I weighed myself Sunday morning and sometime next month I will weigh again.

So far this new way of thinking is working with my self-esteem and my outlook on just life its self? For the past two weeks I have been walking two days a week and it feels wonderful. A total mental transformation folks. Keep in mind my past weight loss journey, it was a great success. But it didn't hold...this new way of being kind to my self is a mindset that I could get use too.

ok, more later. My sister is coming over so I gotta cut this short.

later gators.

Friday, July 28, 2017

Since My Last Post

Good Evening,

I'm listening to the ATL braves baseball while playing farmtown on facebook, thought I would pop in again.
Farmtown is one of my guilty pleasures. I have been playing that game on and off since 2009. It can be so addictive. Oh and the braves is on because my husband is watching them ( 'cause when I watch them my mind wonders off into lala land, what a snooze fest gesh )

So, on my last post I was blabbering about blood work and alcohol and foot surgery right? I had to lay off the ibuprofen and the alcohol until my next visit. Well, I am proud to say that I haven't had any ibuprofen since that day nor do I tend to. I have learned to live with the pain. I have however had alcohol.... after all when you go to the beach what else do you do besides drink and swim and eat? We went to Tybee Island back in June then a couple of weeks back we went to my beloved Panama City Beach ( gonna live there one day, I promise!! ) Both trips were very fun and so relaxing. There is something about the beach that makes you just care free.

Ok, back to my update. So yeah, I've cut back on my whiskey a lot too...almost completely. After the kids get back in school and they're settled I will go back and get my liver enzymes checked again. She also wants me to do the blood sugar test A1C.  Oh I almost forgot, I am close to being completely off all my anxiety meds yay!! woot woot!. Im slowly coming off my last pill now, I have about a month to go. Im sure that will help my liver enzymes too.

Anxiety and panic attacks are such a mind thing. I mean I can feel an attack coming.  It's hard to explain -it's like I'm in my own head and suddenly a panic rushes through me. My main thought is " I have to leave right now" I can feel my heart pounding and i get very tense. its hard to focus and my breathing is hard and sometimes the room is spinning. But using the tools I gathered from the therapy sessions, I now know what do do.  But I will be honest ..  its difficult sometimes.  I don't have them a lot...about once a month, usually before my period hits. I haven't had any depression since coming off buspar, it worked miracles for my anxiety but really messed with my moods. I took it for about a year and decided enough was enough. It took me about 2 months to come off it slowly. ( I believe in very slowly weaning myself off all medications, I hate side effects) and im so glad I did.

My foot still hurts, but im dealing with it. Yesterday my husband and I tag teamed mowing the front yard. After he was done I realized that my half was going off towards the ditch? Really? ( oh I got him back - I didn't wash any of his close last night teehee..he had no underwear this morning LOL) anyways... so after mowing my half of the lawn my lower back, right hip and of course right foot was throbbing. And I mean a very intense throb! I was pouring sweat thanks to this good ol' GA heat so I jumped in the pool. Yep, didn't even bother putting on my bathing suit..i just jumped in wearing shorts and a t-shirt. If felt SO GOOD. Hey, when your hot and hurting, you really don't give a shit who's looking.

ok..later gators, Gotta go get ready for my 3 day work week.

September 2018 Update

Hey Ya'll! I've got about an hour to blog before work. My eye's popped open at 4:45 this morning, don't you just love that...