Thursday, September 03, 2015

Just Anxious


Ever since I started my new job I've been anxious on and off. It's starting to get on my nerves a little bit. The symptoms include : racing thoughts, muscle tenseness, small mood swings, some depression and a little paranoia.

I made an appointment last month to go see my doctor this coming up Tuesday...sigh. As much as I hate to admit I may have to go back on an antidepressant again. I can't seem to stay off the things? I quit taking Wellbutrin back in March or April of this year thinking I was done with them.

It sucks when you have to depend on medication for well being. And I'm trying to figure out what he's going to prescribe? I've been on Zoloft and I remember it making me feel slight sedated all the time. But for some reason it sticks out the most out of all the medication I have tried for anxiety. I don't remember it being bad, except for when I weaned myself off it.

I don't know. We will see Tuesday.

And you know at first the doctor's receptionist said that he didn't see adults anymore? I was like "but I just quit seeing him this year?" I tell ya, my heart almost stopped! I don't want to start over with a new doctor? wth? I guess the receptionist got the 'ok' from the doctor to make an appointment with me.

Anyways, today I'm just going to focus on getting through the day and ways to relax after work. I want to workout after work...I will come back on here and update if I do.

Tuesday, September 01, 2015

Day 1 Went Well

Morning, well it's my morning because today is my 3rd shift day. So Good Morning(:

Today is also the first day of my lifestyle challenge! I did really good today. We went to waffle house and I chose wisely, had sugar free syrup on my waffle and a side order of bacon = 500 calories. Lunch was a sandwich with some grapes. Popcorn was a snack and supper was some lean meat chili + crackers. I'd say I did pretty well. I wasn't very hungry today and I ate better then I did yesterday. I bought some veggies yesterday along with some more fruit for snacks.

Tonight starts day #2. It's tricky at night because I have to count it as the next I have to be careful. I plan on eating a banana around 3 am and drinking some water. I will eat some breakfast when I get off at 7am.

Something keeps holding me back from working out? Perhaps it's the thought of knowing that its something that I have to do once I start? lol, doesn't that sound stupid? Why would I put off something that is going to benefit me in the long run? I just have to plan it out, that's all.

anyways, time to head off to work.


Sunday, August 30, 2015

Refrigerator Printout

Refrigerator Printout 

September 1st is approaching along with my new life style change. 
I need to feel like I'm back in control of my body and mind, and not some mindless, emotionless eating machine!!   
No more doubting thoughts that spiral into a binge. No more ignoring my feelings - I need to face them. If I feel like eating I will blog or do whatever it takes to not eat. This cycle has to stop and I'm the only one that can do it.   
I'm going to go back on myfitnesspal and log my food 
I'm going to workout at least 3 days a week.
"That which does not kill us makes us stronger"  

Saturday, August 22, 2015

hello, I'm still alive and stuff


Just stopping by to say "hello, I'm still alive and stuff."

I got my workouts yesterday and I plan on trying one after work today. I have got to get out of this rut I've been in for over a week now. Just can't seem to get my act together, sigh. to get ready for work. I can't wait to clock out today, so glad I'm off tomorrow.

Thursday, August 20, 2015

Just A Little Push....


I only have a few minutes since I've been on MFP scrolling through the community forums.

For the past 6 days I have managed to eat everyday until my stomach hurts...except for yesterday. No counting calories...nothing besides eating.....emotional eating. It started with a little binge last Wednesday or Thursday then the next day I didn't go back on plan. It's that simple...I just gave up. I don't know why? Well...I guess its because I threw my hands up in the air and said f*ck it!! It happens...

I ordered a workout series called "Dance off the inches: Latin party pack"  It's a zumba style workout series that comes with 3 workouts and a set of dumbell shakers.  I'm excited to try it...I just need that little push to get me going.

k. laters.

Friday, August 14, 2015

A Goal In Mind


I don't have a lot of time here but I wanted to pop in and say hey! I fell off my healthy eating wagon yesterday, it wasn't pretty. I guess the stress of learning my new position finally got to me ( at least thats what I'm going with). I told DH that I need a goal or a some kind of date in mind to keep me focused.

We got married 14 years ago. This coming up April will be 15 years. We didn't have a wedding, we just went to the court house and said our vows. So I really want to have some pictures taken on my next anniversary. I want to pick out a wedding dress and have my hubby in a tuxedo. I want to have a small ceremony and renew our vows.

April is a little over 8 months away. I would really love to lose about 50 lbs by then. Now that I'm learning my new job and I'm not around any delicious deli temptations I feel like I can do it.

After work today or tomorrow I plan on pulling my elliptical into the living room so I can watch TV while doing it. I also plan on opening up my Total Gym in my bedroom so I can hop on that after work as well.
I have a workout calendar in my living room and I will mark my workout days on there. Since it goes from 'Sunday - Saturday' I'm going to start working out this Sunday and just go from there.

I'm still going to log my food on myfitness pal, that sight. But unless I'm starving I probably won't eat my exercise calories back because it's giving me 1820 right now.

Ok..enough chitter chatter. Have a good day.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

First Third Shift Experience

Hey There,

Well, I had my first 3rd shift at work last night and it went pretty smoothly until I started hanging the new tags/signs. I hate to point my finger and blame somebody but my trainer didn't fully explain how to find the ad tags on the shelf, he just had me help him hang them. But in the end I did the best I could so I'm sure it could have been a lot worse.

The Scanning Coordinator came in at 3am to help. I was thankful because I felt like I was behind, she explained  that there was no reason for me to rush and once I understand how to hang the tags I will fly right through it. She helped a lot.

After work I came home and took a 4 hour nap and set my alarm for 4am, I woke up grumpy...just like last Wednesday. I don't think I said a word for like 30 minutes ( and I'm talker at home). Later in the after noon around 3 or so I had a little melt down. I kept saying how I hope what I did was 'good enough' and how I hope nobody wonders 'why I got the position'. Those thoughts cycled in my head and as I was talking to DH ( who was kinda like my counselor at the time) I started feeling a cry I cried. And I felt better.

I think the lesson for me here is to not let those nasty negative thoughts get the better of me. Because I got the position because I deserved it.

ok, still on my plan and feeling good.