Monday, March 07, 2016

The Only Way is Up!

Good Morning,

I woke up at 4:30 thinking I had to be at work at 6. Well I forgot that on Monday's I don't a have to be at work until 7.

Oh well, more time to spend on here.

Yesterday we went to the park to walk and as I was huffing and puffing while walking up a hill! I had to stop to catch my breath, that's pretty sad. I can honestly say that I have hit rock bottom with my weight. I can't rely on watching what I eat anymore cause it's obviously not working. This is march and I haven't lost a single pound.

I'm calling my doctor tomorrow and I'm going to try and get an appointment with him soon. I want to try something else for my anxiety. I think the Zoloft has messed up my metabolism and any motivation I have to workout. There are days when I wanna do is sleep, I'm constantly yawning all day. Yeah, it does wonders for my anxiety but I simply can't live like this anymore.

It's hard to go off any medication when you know you might regret it but I'm miserable. I've been to three different therapist and I know a few coping skills to help. I'm no longer afraid of this anxiety, Exercise will have to become a priority again.

anyways, just unloading some thoughts.

Wednesday, March 02, 2016

Hello March


Yes I'm still alive. Yes the hubby and I are still sticking to our new year's resolution of changing our habits. January was only eating out once a week. - we eat 'out' more than once a  week but my choices are healthier. February we we're suppose to start exercising but we didn't. I guess we just wasn't ready. March we started exercising( and I know it's only the second day, gesh)  but we're doing good.
 Sunday we hiked for an hour and I did 30 minutes on my elliptical yesterday. Tomorrow I plan on doing one or the other, walking or elliptical. I'm going to workout every other day :-)  

Oh and I cut down my .. ahem... alcohol consumption ( whisky shots) to just one night a week, Saturday night is whiskey night for me. 

I don't know how much I weight and I don't care. I wear a size 22 in pants and that gives me a good indication of how much I weigh. 

I'm just gonna keep going, perhaps my pants will loosen up in a few weeks?

The last time I posted I mentioned my doctors visit. Well, he suggested that I give my meds another three months and try to lose weight. I said ok. Now I'm going to ask him in April what he thinks about me taking something else. I've been looking into buspar, it's a anti-anxiety medication, I think I tried it on my first visit with him but I didn't really take it long, I had just lost my grandmother and was going through major depression and anxiety episodes

anyways. Take it easy.. thats if for now, chow! 

Monday, January 18, 2016

Monday Update

Good Morning,

Just popping in for a quick update before work.

So as I said on my last post, my hubby and I decided to start healthy habits together. We cut out fast food except for one day a week. This is January's change and we are rocking it. We have been cooking at home and it really isn't as hard as we thought it would be. We found some new supper's to add to our list like Chicken & cabbage stir fry, garlic shrimp w/ veggies and lean burrito's.Just some recipe's we found on the web.  It's going well and I'm proud of us!

February is going to be another change. Hubby wants to add in exercise. I'm kinda dreading this one but I know once I get the ball rolling it will get easier, I'm just thankful that we are doing it together.

So my doctor's 3 month follow up is tomorrow. Sigh. I honestly wish I could come off my SSRI. But I know that once I do I'm so moody and I become a raging, stressful, can't-keep-my-foot-out-of-my-mouth bitch! It's like the medication lets me take life with a grain of salt instead of the whole damn shaker. IDK.

 But in other news, I didn't weigh on January 1st like I should have, but there is a 10 pound difference since before I started the medication. I weighed back in November I think. But now that I know my weight I've been weighing almost everyday and the scale is going down. So the lack of fast food is working. Perhaps giving the medication another 3 months wouldn't be so bad.

ok, enough jibber jabbering. Have a good day (:

Thursday, January 07, 2016

Happy New Year!!

Good Morning

I went MIA for a while, just needed a break from blogging. How was everyone's Holidays? We had a good time, busy of course but good. Now that's its a new year My hubby and I have started new healthy habits together. I'm excited because it's been 7 days and we're doing good.

Remember the old saying slow and steady wins the race? We decided to do things slow. We've taken one bad habit and replace it with a healthy one. Less eating out and more cooking at home.  Before it was nearly 4 times a week. It's going good so far, we are chosing easier meals with lean meats and more veggies.

The next habit that changes is portion size. For me anyway...cause I know how much I'm suppose to eat just from my last weight loss journey.

Alrighty Time for work. Just wanted to say Hello  

Saturday, November 21, 2015

Tired of Pretending


It's 1:30 in the morning and all is quiet. As I type this my wrist is resting on something sticky, probably pancake syrup from my sons relentless habit of eating at the computer even though he knows better not too.

I'm on here because I feel I need to share some feelings I'm having. This blog is about me, my journey,,,  and so far I can't complain. In most people's eyes I have it all. A wonderful family, a fairly decent job and well, our bills get paid so all is good. But since gaining almost all the weight that I've lost back, I'm feeling a cross roads approaching. I know I have to make a choice and it's got to be soon while I'm still considered 'healthy' (no BP problems, no cholesterol probs. no diabetes). The only thing I suffer from is a mental disorder (anxiety/depression) and well, that's all in my head and guess who's the pilot of this

I'm tired all the time now, I get out of breath really easy. It's hard to do simple things like tying my shoes, getting up off the floor.walking for long periods of time. Heck even sitting in a chair is uncomfortable when I have jeans on.

A clip from the My Story page. 

" I LOVE life! I think that was my breaking point, my kids and husband are my whole world and I knew i had to make a change or else be miserable the rest of my 'short' life and make theirs miserable too. I was going through life pretending to be happy, when i was not; you can only pretend so long before its starts eating away at you!"

 It's eating away at me and I'm so exhausted from pretending. I'm not happy with myself anymore. I want more out of life and the only way is too take care of myself. My health has got to come first. I know its a weird time of the year to start making changes but I did. I started today. I ate a little less then what I would normally eat. It's the little changes that can contribute into a huge success.

Saturday, November 14, 2015

Saturday Update

Good Morning,

I can't wait to hit that time clock at 2:30 today, im already tired. My monthly has hit me hard this time...ugh, just exhausted and kinda anxious. Ladies you know what I'm talking about.

So on my last post I was expressing my feelings toward a field trip..., well the drive went well on the way up there but on the way back I had to use my phone to get home. If anyone has driven in Atlanta then you know about the one-way streets that are so annoying. But I made it back before the buses and had a good time.
Oh and the plays were great. I thought we were seeing just one play but it was 6 small ones. I had a good time but I told my husband later in the day that never again will I drive in Atlanta by myself!

Yesterday I felt so anxious all day, it was mostly my mind racing. I think its my monthly causing it but dang it's annoying. I kept thinking my supervisor was mad at me about something. Of course it was all in my head. I've learned to not give my inner dialog much thought anymore but it's hard to stop it once it starts going.

Also, when I went to lunch a former co-worker who deleted me on facebook was there. Ugh, and of course that didn't help my mind-racing-day either. I swear I think my mind just searches for things to obsess about?

Anyways, that's about it.

Monday, November 09, 2015

Field Trip and Anxious


Today is exciting but I can't help but be a little anxious. I took the day off from work to go on a field trip with my daughter. We're seeing a play and the theater is about a 40 minute drive...and I can't ride on the bus so I have to follow in the car.  I tried signing up as a chaperone but never got a call from the teacher. And when I tried to get in touch with her she never called me back.

You see, the thing is that I don't like driving in unfamiliar places without my husband who usually drives.

I keep telling myself that I will be ok with the drive, I'm following buses, but just in case I have the address in my phone so if I do happen to get stuck at a red light I can still find the place.

sigh...I just wish I wasn't so anxious about it.

Ok, enough about that.

My weight loss is nonexistent at this point. I tell myself that 'one day' I will start but starting hasn't happened yet. I'm honestly tired of thinking about it.

ok, thats all for today, gotta get ready for that field trip. :)